What We Do etc: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth

The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth... Part VI...

What We Do In the Shadows: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth"...

Summary: Back in the regular but sort of AU universe of WWDITS, you thought the season was about Guillermo. It wasn't. (Well, in this AU anyhow.)

Part VI...

The back garden pond area of the Residence...

"We accept you, we accept you...One of us, one of us." The strange freakish creatures, the offsprings of Laszlo's experiments with Guillermo's DNA, chant about human Nadja in circle, documentary camera filming. Dog-Guillermo-child the leader, several sheep-Guillermo-children, lizard-Guillermo-children, frog- and toad-Guillermo-children in ring.

"Yeah...They sensed the human in me." She frowns, glaring at them. "But it's cool. They need to keep hidden, I need to keep concealed, we've a mutual need, so...Fine."

"Laszlo is a fortunate man and Unman, my Lady Cravensworth." The dog Guillermo-child bows to Nadja, who allows a kiss to her hand.

"Nice to hear my new and future title...And they are charming, in their freakish way." shrugs. "Ok, so little progress on the 'restore Laszlo to something like Humanity' front but it seems Guilly...Gizmo."

"Father of us all, Guillermo." A Guillermo-faced humanishly terrifying but quite polite toad notes. "My Lady." Bow.

"Right, Guillerma...Anyway, he's joined our team Van Helsing/Dracula, or seems to have. Apparently he's accepted it was a dumb idea to try to go vampiral. Unfortunately, he's had a little problem since Barren Afanas learned he fried him...Though that worked out...But then Nandor found out he'd gone and sought out Daryl..."

"It's Derek, ma'am..." the dog Guillermo-child noted. "But it's fine, even Our Father gets it wrong."

"Fine...Whatever...Anyhow, Nandor pledged to kill him but after a lot of to do and the usual Nandor wussing out on revenge and anger out of wimpy feeling for the kid...Hey, he did burn down my village, I'm allowed a shot at him...And a lot of me having to pose myself by corpses the others had eaten to avoid suspicion, while scarfing down some of the best food I have ever eaten in this restaurant Nandor had chosen to give Guillermo..." nod to the animals who cheer.

"Guillermo!"

"Shhh..." Nadja, frowning. Nervous nods all round.

"...his chance to go full vampire after drinking human blood, but Guillermo can't go ahead with it. Now, that is no reflection on Laszlo or me." Glare. "We were victims, remember? Ok. Just so we're clear on that."

"And Nandor arranged a phony ceremony at the Vampiric Council ending with Derk's..."

"Derek, maaaa'am." A sheep Guillermo-child notes.

"Whatever, whoever...His dusting. And Guillermo is human again."

"Hoo-ray..." all the creatures, quietly. Nadja nodding tolerantly. So long as we're quiet.

"And Derek...Though I'm fine with the Daryl..." Derek notes, suddenly appearing in ghostly form. "Is free of his fiendish demonic essence."

"Yeah..." Nadja eyes camera.

Sure...Fiendish.

But the kid is trying to help so...And impress his ghost girl, Edith, so I throw a bone. It's what redeemed heroines do.

Edith hovering now, glowing. Beaming at Derek.

"And while that's good. And it's great to have the kid helping us now, as he is pledged to, as he has a lot to answer for..." Nadja nodding.

"Ohhhh..." animals bowing heads.

"Which I'm sure his good service here will clear." She eyed the distraught group.

"Hoo..." quietly, Nadja's look insists... "...ray."

"Derek will help him. I know you guys will succeed." Edith beams. "I've gotta go see my parents...Not haunt, they've passed. Though I do haunt that bastard of a step-father. Honey, I'll be back for that movie tonight." Wave to Derek, vanishing.

"It's very sweet she stays here in this world for you while you're helping us, Dar...Derk." Nadja notes.

...

Cut to Derek's ghost hovering before cameras...

"I like Derk even better. Sounds really, ya know..." beams.

...

"We're very grateful for your help. Especially when you have clearly nothing to atone for..." Nadja continues.

"Well...I did forget to put a few things from the Vampire Hunters' meetings in the trash." Derek notes. "And I didn't do such a great job as a Hunter."

Nadja frowning at camera...

...

"Alright, the kid is a saint. We have a saint helping us. I'm properly grateful." She tells camera just a bit later, alone. "Just bear in mind we were victims too."

"Anyway, we still have to get Laszlo in and demon Laszlo out without arousing the suspicions of the others. But we do have Van Helsing, Dracula, Ms. Dracula, a human Vampire Hunter descendant of Van Helsing, and...Drum roll please...The current Slayer, yes...The legends are true." beams.

"Dracula's daughter...Foster. The current Slayer, under his and the missus protection. And a really charming young lady. Of course, with all that fire power, if we screw this one up, we really are a bunch of morons." Sigh.

Guillermo creeping in through gate...

"Guys? You should not all gather here like this."

"Sooorrray, Father of us all." A sheep-Guillermo-child notes.

"We offer our earnest apologies, Father." Dog-Guillermo-child, somberly. "But we wished to let dear Lady Cravensworth know her quest for her beloved has our full support."

Ok, they're the sweetest things...Nadja sighs to Guillermo.

And they use my title...Beams.

"Ok, well that's good..." Guillermo notes. "But we've all got to be cautious. If Nandor or Laszlo or anyone else finds out about you or..."

"Or, what...?" the Guide, suddenly materializing, speaks. "Hey, sister!" brightly to Nadja. "I was following the de-evolved one to find you. I was hoping we could hang?"

...

"The 'De-evolved' thing was my idea." Laszlo notes to camera. "I've even had a chart made up from one of those posters that show Humankind's evolution..." Pulls up poster...Showing the ascent of man to vampire feasting on man, then degeneration to Guillermo (Photo). "Nice work, eh? I enthralled a young lady I met in the book store where I found the original poster who told me she was an art student and before I finished with her, I had her do the amendments. I did consider ending with the Guillermo animal experiments but I couldn't really project or describe the poor slaughtered beasts to her...Plus it might creep the others out, very weird stuff then, admittedly."

...