What We Do etc: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth

The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth... Part VII...

What We Do In the Shadows: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth"...

Summary: Back in the regular but sort of AU universe of WWDITS, you thought the season was about Guillermo. It wasn't. (Well, in this AU anyhow.)

Part VII...

Bench at the back garden pond area of the Residence...

"So, you see, girlfriend..." Human-souled Nadja notes to the Guide as they sit. "Largely because my Laszlo was involved in their creation..."

"The discovery of DNA is such a miracle..." the dog-Guillermo child muses. "Though I for one am very glad Rosalind Franklin finally got the credit due her, ladies." Nods.

"Right...Whatever...And because they are so cute, really." Nadja continues. "We must keep their existence secret from the others and...The World."

"Our own little Isle of Dr. Moreau..." the Guide nods.

Hey, I read...She eyes camera with frown.

"Well, fine by me...I could care less. Just wanted to hang with my home girl." She beams.

"Certainly." Nadja, smiling but sighing.

Hmmn...I wonder if her soul is seeking some mortal time...? Have to chat with Docs VH and Dracula on that.

"But given I've eaten, maybe..."

"A walk to see the sights? Wonderful. And I've eaten my fill of kids."

"Really?" Nadja, inward shudder.

Yes, yes...My human conscience is back! I take horror at these mass killings of innocents.

Though as a European-born, I realize sometimes in war and such...These things happen.

Anyway...

"What's the matter? Did you just inwardly shudder?" the Guide eyes her.

Shit...Gotta remember vamps have that perceptive thing...

"Oh, just the uh-huh...You know..." waves at the group of Guillermo offspring... "Don't wish to offend the kiddies..." Low voice. "But a few are a bit...You know."

"Right." Nod. "Anyway, about that stroll?"

I sense the slightest impression of blackmail here...Nadja thinks.

Still, the kid is just lonely. And if all works out, I'll be tossing her essence into Hell as well/saving her soul.

May as well humor her...So long as no killing's involved.

"Why not? Guillermo? See to your...Whatever they are...And we shall both do our best to keep your foul secret, secret, ok?"

"Oh, maybe Guillermo would like to join us?" the Guide notes eagerly. "It'll be as if he hadn't failed at vampirism."

Hmmn...Guillermo eyeing her...

I do see a lot of wood bits around here...But it would be mean to stake the poor lady when she's just looking for friends.

Especially her having something of a crush on me.

"Yeah. Guillermo, put your...Whatever...To bed or whatever they do...And join us. Please."

And keep a bit of wood handy, just in case...Nadja eyes him sternly.

"Madam...If I may speak for us all...We children of the Father Guillermo..." the toad-Guillermo child speaks. "We are grateful for your understanding and help." Bows to the Guide.

"Oh, my. You're right, Nadja. They are cuties." The Guild smiles. "Ok, I'm in, secretswise."

...

"I love being part of a secrets club." The Guide beams to camera in her room later. "And they are the cutest things, really. I wonder how they'll taste when full-grown?"

...

Vampiral Laszlo, deerstalker planted on head, to camera...

"I resume the hunt, while Nadja is out. Since my instincts rule out the attic, I must be methodically Holmesian and search all rooms on each floor below, pending the help of my dark instincts. Which rules out this room." He nods at the room, moving on. "And this one..."

"Yes, one of those times when my dark power really comes in handy..." nods.

[Up in attic, furious Nadja doll fuming, still struggling with bonds.]

...

Nandor, returning from his own "stroll", spying the ladies vampiral (human souled in Nadja's case, of course).

"Ladies?" eyeing the two. "Heading out for a night of bloodlust and murder, or just running an errand?"

"Seeing the sights...With my BFF." The Guide enthuses. "Literally."

"Bitch or Bastard Foul Fiend?" Nandor, politely.

"Best Friend Forever..." Nadja frowns. "And you've heard that on TV before."

"Oh...Yes. Like Ross and Joey." Nods sagely.

"Had you a good hunt?" the Guide asks, pleasantly. "Some tender young virgin you exposed to the crude realities of life, or an experienced modern woman of easy virtue who likes it rough..." hopeful lewd gleam... "But in either case got the final surprise of her life when you stuck her with something else after? Or guy, I'm totally ok with that, you know." Smile.

"Actually, no...I was just strolling. I had thinks on my mind."

"Things?" Nadja asked.

"No, thinks...Many thinks. It has been a difficult year and I had many thinks to think out. And I wanted to contemplate my recent trip to outer space."

"To where?" the Guide stared.

"I thought everyone knew...I went to outer space." Nandor, slight frown.

"Whoa, nice. Did you get to the Moon?"

"No, not so far."

"Really? You know I have heard we can't get to the Moon because of the sunlight."

"Well, it was nighttime and I didn't get to the Moon!"

"I see." Nod. "Well, did you have a nice trip? See the space station?" the Guide asked.

"It was a historical trip. No vampire to m y recollection has ever gotten to outer space."

"Well, that's fine..." Nadja cuts in. "You'll have to give us the blow-by-blow later, but we must hurry along. Window shoppings to do."

"You saw when I returned..." Nandor, a bit miffed.

"Oh, sure...One small step for Unman and all...Great. See ya. Tell Laszlo I'll be back soon." Nadja, pulling the Guide along.

Hmmn...Nandor frowns, then sighs. Oh well. Today's great adventure is tomorrow's ho-hum.

Besides, more important things to consider.

...

"Yes..." Nandor notes to camera, sitting in living room on sofa. "I have momentous news."

Pausing... "After witnessing the events of the past year with regards to the two persons I have most dearly loved..."

Cut to shot of Marwa, then Guillermo, over the season.

"It is time to make peace with Eternity, Fate, and the worst of the three dark ladies, Karma. Yes, my friends of the documentary persuasion...You who have followed us for the past years...You will now be privy to my secret, my goal. I have decided to seek...Redemption."

Pause...

"I really was expecting a bigger reaction than that. On 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' review site on the Intersnet, the other night...Not saying that influenced my decision...Her beau Spike got all kinds of praise when he chose to regain his soul." Sigh. "I know they say Dracula's been running around for decades talking about it but..."

"I am pleased, husband." Marwa's beaming ghost, in her original first female form, appears, floating and glowing...