SANTINO

THE LOSS

MIA:
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When I first lost my baby girl I swore that something like that would never happen again. I told myself that I would take good care of it because that is just how any baby deserves to be treated.

I took wonderful care of Vanessa, she was going to be born healthy and she would've had an amazing life. My little girl would've been six years old if it hadn't been for that bastard that still dares to call me his daughter.

He doesn't know that the minute he tossed me around like nothing, I lost my baby girl. How can someone live after knowing they did such a thing? Does he have nightmares at night about it?

Finding out I was pregnant with Luka's baby was a lot to take in and I wished that I had done things differently. I wish now that I told my mother about it because she always finds a way to help me even when I feel so helpless.

Nothing has changed, I haven't changed. I still feel like the sixteen-year-old girl that lost the will to live. I was already three months and I couldn't have made it past them if I had only taken better care of myself.

I'm so sorry I failed you, baby.

I woke up this morning around ten something, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a tray full of food next to me. Everything must've been ordered by Red because the maids know I always go downstairs to eat.

Red.

I feel terrible just remembering what I made him do last night.

Red is only a year older than me, making him twenty-three. He is probably one of the youngest guys that Luka has hired since he was the only one that stayed behind to take care of me.

I wouldn't be surprised if I traumatized him. I mean, I made him bury my baby in the backyard and had him clean up all the blood that gushed out of me to the floor. He is being forced to keep a big secret from his boss that could probably cost him his life... yet, he decided to help me.

He did not once complain about anything, and for that, I couldn't be more thankful. Red stayed with me until I fell asleep... what other guard would do that unless they were asked to?

I know that he won't tell Luka about anything but I feel guilty thinking about how hard it must be to keep a secret like that.

Maybe I need to tell Luka about it, it was his baby too after all. He has a right to know.

My heart dropped at the thought of Luka. I realized that I fell asleep on his side of the bed, which meant that he didn't spend the night with me.

My mind began to drift to various places until he walked in with something white wrapped around his shoulder.

"Oh my god!" I gasped when I saw him. "What happened?"

Luka smirked when he saw me and began to walk towards me. "Good morning to you too, angioletto."

"It's not funny, Luka. What the hell happened to you?" I rolled my eyes at the fact that he can act like everything is fine when he got shot.

I could have cared less if he got shot any other day, but he got shot last night because of me. I feel like I at least owe some caring act to him.

Luka sighed when he realized I was being serious. "It's nothing I'm not used to."

It's not like he's wrong. In a mafia world, you always get hurt, it doesn't matter how or when but you do eventually. You learn to deal with it.

"I'm a fucking curse," I muttered to myself.

Luka seemed to have picked it up because he placed two fingers under my chin before gently lifting my head. "What was that?"