SANTINO

THE PLANNING

MIA:
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It has only been a day since my mother passed away, and needless to say; it has been hard.

Before she was gone I was used to talking to her every once and then, even if we didn't speak often I knew that she would always be there. But now, she really is gone and the worst part is that she went without me.

They never really prepare you for when the day comes when you realize that there is no one left in this world but yourself. The person who has raised you for many years is suddenly gone and you struggle to find reasons to keep going on.

My mother, my soulmate... she was all I needed.

I feel terrible when I say that she is all I had when Pope was always there for me as well. But the love of the mother only comes once in a lifetime, and I was lucky enough to have Greta Ricci as my mother in this one.

Pope will always be that father that I didn't have, he will always fill an important space in my heart as my father. What about my mother?

I don't have one anymore.

I'm not sure who to blame, I am not sure who to yell at or who to hit. I want to set the whole world on fire for not protecting my mother.

Was it my brother's fault? Sebastian had to go away on a business trip- he always does- it's no surprise that when he is gone, he will be gone for a few weeks. So, he couldn't be there.

Was it Leonardo's fault? Why did he have to go with Sebastian when he never does? If it wasn't for the love they share, I would have bet that he had something to do with her death.

Who can I blame? I want this fucking feeling to go away, I just need to get ahead of something.

Can I even think of blaming Luka? I did marry him for a reason and he failed to protect my family.

What was the point?

I suppose I could blame the people who are paid to give their lives before ours, but again, Leonardo is their boss and they were indicated to follow him. At least that is what Luka informed me last night before we fell asleep.

So then the only person that would be left to blame is me.

Am I the reason my mom is dead? She did call me a day before to ask me if I wanted to go out, she called me yesterday... the day she died.

I can't stop thinking about that, about what would have happened if I had answered that call in time. I wonder why she was calling me too, if it was before she was found or while hiding. Or, while she was being killed by those assholes.

I can already hear Sebastian's voice.

He is yelling at me for not protecting our mother, he would kill me if he found out that I didn't answer mom's phone call.

That is how much mom meant to us.

A knock on the door made me sniffle my sorrows away and wipe off the few tears that stained my red cheeks.

"Come in," I spoke up in a groggy voice.

Although I slept through most of the night yesterday, I can't help but feel tired. I guess it is a normal thing that happens after you have a miscarriage. With everything going on, I had almost forgotten that I lost another baby two days ago.

I'm not even grieving my child.

Footsteps get closer but stop not so far away from me, I'm saying that because I can feel Luka's intimidating presence behind me, causing my breath to hitch in my throat.