This wasn't the plan (M.R x Reader)

Part 33

TW: ⚠️self harm⚠️   
         ⚠️suicidal thoughts⚠️

I can't write about this stuff very well, and I started to write this on Tuesday and I still haven't finished until now.
So if no one likes it trust me I don't like it either.
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Allison's POV

It's officially been a week since Jake, molly and Mattheo barges into my room.

Not that much has happened, apart from

- Mollys moved back in
- Jake spends 4 hours with me everyday
- Mattheo checks my wrists and thighs every morning and every night
- and the rest of the group have been acting weird to me, as if they know what happened at the ball and as if they know about me cutting myself.

I've gone back to lessons, and to be honest I didn't miss that much. Only a couple practicals but I've caught up.

Mattheo has told me how we are going to be starting quidditch practice this week.

I don't know what day but in 2 weeks we have our first game against Hufflepuff.

Apparently they are really easy to beat, so it should be a quick game.

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•
•

I wake up to Mattheo giving me a kiss on my forehead

"Morning" he whispers

"Morning" I say giving my arm to him

He checks my wrists and then lifts the covers off me to look at my legs "it's too cold, can you hurry up so I can get warm again" I complain

"Sure, but we need to go for breakfast" he says looking at my legs

"Do we have to go for breakfast, like can't we skip"

He gets up and looks at me "yes we have to go for breakfast, come on go in the shower"

"But the others look at me weirdly, as if they know what's going on, or we'll what's happened" I say

He looks at me with sorrow in his eyes "they know"

"They know?"

"They know"

"How the fuck do they know?"

He looks at me with regret "I don't know, I didn't tell them. I don't think Jake would of told them and I also don't think molly would tell them. But they know"

I don't say anything, I storm into the bathroom, slam the door shut and go in the shower.

And I break down, deep down I knew that they knew but I didn't want it to be true. I don't think anyone really wants their friends to know that they've been cutting themselves.

I start washing myself and look at the cuts on my ribs. Mattheo thinks he knows where I've been cutting myself but he doesn't.

I hate myself,

My parents are right I should of killed myself when I had the chance.

I'm a disgrace to my family,

To my friends,

To myself,

I hate it,

I want it to end,

I just want everything to end,

I want to go back to the day i was 8 playing in the lake.