Nil: The Lost Brother

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The crowd in the schoolyard was astonishing. Children playing games among themselves, adults engaged in heated discussions, people gathered around and engaged in conversations... Nil noticed the gigantic tower in the middle of the yard for the first time. Although it was her first time seeing it, she didn't pay much attention because the tower was very familiar. Adorned with sun and moon motifs, this spiraling structure had giant clock numbers at its top. The pendulum hanging beneath the numbers swung slowly from side to side, causing a pain in Nil's stomach due to the absence of the hour and minute hands. She needed to know the time, but no one seemed to care about this situation. She began walking in the yard, pulling people's shoulders and asking for the time. Not only did she not get any answers, but people also looked at her strangely. She had to find the hour and minute hands as soon as possible. The back garden came to mind, and she thought she might find them if she followed the path. She started running, approaching the end of the yard, when she noticed a man standing with his back turned ahead. Was that him? Yes, it was him, and this time he was looking at Nil and smiling with longing. She tried to shout with the air that didn't seem to leave her lungs.

"Mustafa!"

Although the nightmare she had seen this time ended on a positive note and had a beautiful ending, Nil was tired of these dreams. The games played by her subconscious mind were becoming increasingly profound. Despite everything, she wondered what her brain had been trying to tell her in this dream. Over the years, she had created her own system of dream interpretation. Dream interpretations based on absurd symbolism that made no logical sense always irritated her. She didn't know why, but it went beyond not believing in such things; it made her angry. Perhaps what bothered her was people's belief in these superstitions. They expressed their helplessness outwardly while collectively sweeping this embarrassment under the rug. Attaching irrelevant meanings to dreams and seeking solace in them was such a futile act. She believed that dreams had meaning, but this meaning was derived from the thoughts that emerged from the subconscious. The patterns we enter during the day, the actions of other people, our egos all prevent us from thinking freely, and these suppressed thoughts could come to the surface in our inner world during sleep when we are alone. When carefully examined and being honest with oneself, dreams could actually serve as guidance at certain points, but they couldn't be deciphered through symbols invented by someone else in the past. The clock she saw had a different meaning for her, and it would have a different meaning for someone else. The notion of collective consciousness had emerged to legitimize these deviant thoughts. According to Nil, humans were beings that learn, teach, and transmit knowledge, nothing more. While trying to make sense of what she had seen in her dream, she was startled by the sound of the door. The person coming in had to be either Gözde or Yusuf because it was highly unlikely for anyone else to gain permission and reach the door of the apartment unnoticed. As she opened the door, she found Yusuf, as she had expected, standing there with bags in his hands, grinning.

"I hope you haven't had breakfast yet," he said.

"No, I haven't," Nil replied, smiling.

Yusuf's arrival was a pleasant surprise. Being with the team was a convenient refuge to escape from deep thoughts. When she was with them, she didn't feel guilty for not working, and she could detach herself from her own profound contemplations. In reality, she was simply deceiving herself by postponing the things she needed to confront.

"I'm curious, where did this sudden craving for breakfast come from?" she asked.

"What do you mean? Can't I want to have breakfast with our team leader?" Yusuf replied.

"Okay, let's say you wanted it, but you don't usually eat pastries or anything."

"Mind-reading games are my favorite! Go on, I'm listening."

"You wanted to talk to me urgently, and breakfast is just an excuse. So you showed up at my door with two pastries without much care."

While Nil grinned mischievously, Yusuf raised his eyebrows and interjected, "You're making great deductions, I must say, but you have some incorrect assumptions. Can there be only two pastries in such a big bag?"

Amidst laughter, they placed a few breakfast items on the table in the living room and brewed tea. As the usual entertaining conversations took place at the breakfast table, they both realized that it was time to discuss the real matter when their eyes met. Nil, as the host, did her part and opened the door for Yusuf to start the conversation.

"Alright, Yusuf, I'm listening. So, spill it out, what's the reason for your visit," Nil said, eager to hear the purpose of his visit.

"Well, you're talking about the benefits of beans, so to begin, I'll take you back thousands of years..." Yusuf started his introduction, trying to figure out how to approach the topic.

This preamble had caught Nil's attention. She was trying to concentrate all her focus on Yusuf, but the sound of a message notification on her phone, combined with the vibrating noise amplified by the fork it touched, disrupted everything. It was inevitable for her gaze to be drawn towards her phone. This distraction would have also disturbed Yusuf's peace, but he insisted that Nil should check her phone.

"It might be important, I think you should take a look," Yusuf urged.

"I'll check it later," Nil replied.

"No, I don't want your mind to wander. I want you to listen to everything I'm about to reveal," Yusuf insisted.

Realizing the importance Yusuf placed on the matter, Nil reluctantly picked up her phone, deciding to momentarily shift her attention away from their conversation.

Nil was growing increasingly curious about what Yusuf had to say, so she accepted his offer without delay and picked up her phone to read the message. The sender's number was unfamiliar, and it was from abroad, which made her examine it more attentively. There was no text in the message, just a video. When she pressed the play button on the black screen, her heart raced in sync with what she saw. The screen momentarily went black, but it wasn't related to the video itself. Overwhelmed with excitement, Nil felt a bit dizzy, but she gathered all her strength to focus. It was Mustafa in the video, smiling and waving at her. She must have calculated the initial shock because he hadn't started speaking right away. He had greeted her and waited for a while. Nil paused the video to calm herself down, took a deep breath, and looked at Yusuf. "Mustafa..." she said. Yusuf was equally surprised by the situation and immediately stood up, coming closer to Nil. They both stared at the screen attentively as Nil replayed the video, eagerly listening to her dear friend.

"Hello Nil. First of all, thank you my dear friend. I saw what you did for me, and the last thing I wanted was to involve you in these events, believe me. But I had and still have a need for your help. We are fine, don't worry. I will come to you soon, but until then, please be careful. If I know you a little, I'm sure you're bursting with curiosity about many things, and I will tell you everything. For now, the only thing you need to know is that the situation is much deeper and more dangerous than you can imagine. So please wait a little longer, avoid meeting or talking to anyone if necessary. This matter is bigger than individuals, organizations, institutions, and even governments. I'm sure you understand what I mean. It's a story that spans thousands of years."

Time had stopped once again. The hour and minute hands were missing. Nil sat there, pondering over the seconds. While everything was important, the reason behind all those flashes was Mustafa's last sentence. Just a few minutes ago, she had heard a sentence very similar to that from someone she trusted the most. Had he noticed that Nil had noticed? She looked at the screen beside her attentively. What needed to be said or thought at this moment? The video had ended. Nil began to wonder who would break the silence that enveloped the room.

What could she ask Yusuf right now? How could she broach the subject? Waiting was the best option; Yusuf would eventually speak. While waiting for a single word, he chose to reach into his pocket instead of speaking. As he extended a lighter-like device towards Nil, she stopped thinking. The disappointment was so overwhelming that she felt powerless to resist. The best course of action was to surrender herself to what was about to happen.

When Yusuf pressed the cold device against Nil's neck, she felt a brief moment of pain throughout her body, just before darkness descended.