A Chaotic Journey

CHAPTER 8: Preparing For The Finish Line

After UIL was over, not much was left in choir except for our last concert and stuff for encore, so I wasn't focused on choir much. What I was focused on though, were my grades. AP physics isn't my strongest suit and not understanding the materials at all only made it harder, so I was pretty behind on the class overall. My teacher announced that there would be prep sessions on Saturdays to attend for help and extra credit opportunities, so obviously I started going to boost up my grade. Now, there's this boy named Gabe who I used to have a thing with my sophomore year, if you read that story, and I may or may not have caught feelings for him again. I know what you're thinking, he was a shitty boyfriend back then, what could have changed now you may ask? Honestly, I have no idea, but what I did know was that I was catching feelings for him and was too scared to make a move. You know what helped though? My AP prep sessions that I attended since he also went to these prep sessions. Throughout the first session, I kind of kept my distance since the whole Andre situation was going on, but that didn't keep me from having feelings for this guy, so the next AP prep session, I decided to build up courage and go talk to the guy. It was really awkward since I didn't know what to talk about, but it eventually led to us talking and me taking him to our last AP prep session, so I would say that things went well because of my low ass effort.

Days went by and before you know it, it's Easter. Gabe texted me throughout the day how he wished he could come spend Easter with my family, but he definitely couldn't since my family doesn't even know that Gabe and I are talking, so I did what any normal person would do. I told my mom that I needed to pick up an assignment from Gabe that I forgot at the prep session, just so that I could see him. I know it's a pretty stupid idea just to go see him for a fucking kiss, but I was deep in my feelings and he agreed to it, so I couldn't deny the offer. I got dressed, did some light eye makeup, and drove to Gabe's house with a confetti egg in my hand ready to break it on his head. Once I pulled up onto his street, I texted him that I was outside waiting in my car for my little cheesy kiss. He came outside and my heart started pounding. I was so nervous for no reason, even though I knew that this guy had feelings for me too. I poked my head out of my car to talk to him better and he complimented my eyes and said that they were so pretty in the sunlight. After he stared at my eyes for a few seconds, I somehow got the courage to ask him if he was gonna kiss me, or if I drove to his house for nothing. He looked at me differently for a second, then leaned in to give me a kiss, which was pretty long I may add, and called me an idiot for driving to see him for just a kiss. We talked briefly after, then I drove to my grandma's to celebrate with my family, and arrived very happy and queasy. Once I got there, I said hi to all my family, and then went inside to eat some fajita and sausage before playing games with my cousins and sister. We only played for a bit since we were about to start our yearly easter egg hunt and grabbed our baskets while trying to peek at where the eggs could be placed at. Once all the eggs were placed, we waited by the door, and waited for the adults to give us the go. My mom and tia let us loose, and the hunt began. Overall, I found about 18 eggs, and made about $5 that day. As soon as the egg hunt is over, we like to fuck with each other and break not only confetti eggs, but eggs filled with flour as well. This went on for about an hour before we called it a day, got rid of the flour in our hair with a blow dryer, and headed home. Pretty successful Easter if I do say so myself.

There wasn't much going on since the year was coming to an end, but for encore, there was Broadway Night. Broadway Night is pretty self-explanatory, but basically you are either in a group number, or singing on your own, and it's a song from any school appropriate Broadway musical. Ironically enough, my song ended with the words, "I'm in love with a wonderful guy", and fit almost too perfectly for timing purposes. Although, a few days prior to the performance, Andre had texted me asking to go over to his house one last time, and that if I did, he would stop all blackmail and pretend like it didn't happen. Like I said before, I was trying to do everything to get out of this situation, so I took the risk and told him that I would go over. The day of, I woke up feeling stupid sick and panicked. I checked if I had Covid, but muy results were negative, so it was just really bad sickness. I let Andre know, but he still insisted that I go over. I got to school and went on my normal school day, then hung around the choir room after school until it was time to go to Andre's house. Of course, my mom had my location on my phone, so I knew that I would have to leave my phone at the school and hope that I didn't need to be reached from her, or anyone for that matter, so I trusted David enough to leave my phone with him, and even gave him the password just incase anyone of importance tried to contact me. I told Mika what my plan was, and she was worried for me and even insisted that she'd go with me, but I told her that I didn't want to upset Andre and make things worse for myself, so I went alone.Once I got to his house, I felt like complete shit. Whether it was the sickness, or my gut feeling, but I really wanted to kill myself in that moment. I knocked on the door, and he opened it looking kind of surprised, but also ready in a way. I went inside and immediately went into his room and told him how sick I felt. He reached for my forehead and I kind of flinched a bit, but he was just checking my temperature. He said that I was burning and that I should lay down while he played games. I asked him why he was still caring for me, even after I cheated on him, and why he was doing it overall. He told me that it was because he still had love for me and still wanted to care for me for a possible future with us together. About 2 hours passed with nothing but care from a guy who was blackmailing me telling me that he loved me, and that things could work out in the end, only if I tried with him. I asked for the time, and realized that I should probably get going so that I'm not late to my performance. I got up from his bed, and thanked him for caring for me and just letting me rest instead of trying to do something. He kind of laughed it off and told me to send him a video of my performance, and I agreed to. I got inside my car, and made a pit stop at home to change my outfit. My parents didn't say anything out of the blue, so all I did was go inside and change, then headed to my school to perform. I got my phone back from David, and he told me that he went through Mika and I's messages. I got pissed at him and asked him why he would do that, but he said he didn't know and I took off to go pick up Mika. I assumed that he went through it to find an answer since they were kind of going through things relationship wise, but still didn't give him the right to go through my fucking phone. Once I picked up Mika, I told her as soon as we parked at the school. She was fucking FUMING and got out of my car, and marched to the doors to find David. I tried to stop her at first, but knew that anything I did wouldn't work. Let me just say, don't piss off a woman in heels, cause that bitch was WALKING. Once I caught up with her, all I could hear her say was, "WHERE IS HE?"... So naturally, I backed away. Mika found David and pulled him to a room to talk about what had happened and uh... I kept my distance and ignored everyone that was asking what's happening. A few minutes go by and they're out of the room. I stuck with Mika at that moment and headed to the auditorium, waiting for the show to start. People perform, people applaud, and overall, it was a good performance. Surprisingly, I performed well for being sick and dying, but enough of that, the performance was over. I took Anthony home that night since Andre wasn't so strict about who I was hanging around anymore, and started bawling my eyes out once we reached his driveway. I told him what happened, but what I haven't told anyone was that he wanted me to go back at some time since we didn't do anything and I was sick. Both of us knew what he meant by that and it really got to me. I kept asking Anthony what to do, but he had no words. I didn't expect anyone to know what to do in my situation, but I just had to let it out. I guess I was there a little too long and Andre facetimed me to see why I was there. I quickly told Anthony to get out of the car, and answered the call. Anthony was poking his head in through the window as if that's how we were talking the whole time, and Andre just asked why I was there for so long. I told him that Anthony and I were just having a car talk. Andre said a few words then hung up, and I immediately went back to crying. I told Anthony that I had to go, and drove home sobbing. I stopped crying a little before I got home, put a few eye drops in, then headed to my room and just sat there in silence. What am I going to do?... Anyways, softball ended a few days later and that was the end of April.