Temporarily Mine

36

HERO

The clink of the gate has my hands falling from my face as I lean back against the cool wicker. I already know who it is, so I don't bother looking, my eyes sliding over the pool instead, trailing the light ripples the vacuum creates across the top as Felix drops in the chair opposite of me.

After a few minutes of nothing from me, he stands, lifting his seat with him and sets it directly in my line of sight.

He stares at me.

I stare right fuckin' back.

He nods, pushes to his feet once more and grabs the football off the grass. Tossing it in the air, he steps back and waits.

He knows I haven't touched a ball once this week. Shit's fucked up and fucked up good when this happens.

He's seen it before, when my dad first left my mom, and a few times in between.

I drag my ass from my seat, walking backward to the opposite side of the yard.

He tosses me the ball and a sense of ease floats over me when the hard rubber hits my fingertips, but it quickly fades.

We toss it back and forth a few times before Felix breaks the silence.

"You okay, man?"

"Does word really travel that fast or do you have a habit of checking up on her?"

His eyes narrow, but quickly smooth out. "She showed up at Kat's a couple hours ago. I left so she could talk to her friends, but it was pretty obvious shit got spilled."

"You happy about that?" I throw the ball a little harder.

He catches it with a glare. "Happy about my best friend losing the girl he's always wanted and finally got? Nah man, can't say I fuckin' am." He takes an extra second to bullet it back.

I drop my hands, allowing the ball to bounce off my chest. "How the fuck could you keep that shit from me? Two fuckin' years, bro. You had two years to tell me you guys slept together and never did."

Felix's head falls before he meets my eyes again. "I fucked up. I've got no excuse. You told me freshman year you and her would never happen, and you started dating Jackie on and off. I was the fool who believed you let Josephine go just because you said you did. I get I should have stayed away from her regardless. You have no idea how shitty I've been feeling since I realized you still had feelings for her. Dirt," he spits hatefully to himself. "I feel like straight-up dirt, man."

"Not enough to open your mouth, though, yeah? Not until you had to?"

"I was straight-up terrified to tell you, didn't wanna lose my best friend over something that didn't mean what I knew you'd think it did. H, I swear on my life, man. I would never do something knowing it would fuck with our friendship. You're like a brother to me. I would never risk that knowingly."

I shake my head, and we both move back to the chairs.

It takes me a minute, but I look to him. "Why even fuck her? If it didn't mean shit, Felix, why?"

"You really want to talk about this?"

I glare.

He sighs, sits back, and answers fuckin' honestly.

"We thought it would be fun. Most of you guys had already lost your virginity at that point. She had no interest in anyone and didn't see it happening anytime soon, and I... was a guy." He shrugs. "I wanted to learn what to do so I'd be ready when it happened with someone else. We were pushed together so much by our moms that we trusted each other, so we drank a little to calm our nerves and then... yeah. It was really that fucking insignificant, man. Shirts were left on and all."