Mini Chapter: Identity

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CONTENT WARNING: SUICIDAL IDEATION/ TRANSPHOBIA/ABUSE

5 years ago (6th grade)

"You'll always be a girl, I know you think you're not a girl sometimes, but you are. And that's final!"

Voices ring through Kel's head. The pain of last night rests on his shoulders.

   "Stop talking back!"

Each day it's a different object.

Last night it was a wooden spoon.

   "Kelsey! ENGRAIN THAT NAME INTO YOU STUPID GODDAMN HEAD!!"

"YOU WILL NEVER...

BE KEL. YOU WILL NEVER,

BE

A

BOY."

What's the point of even going on anymore.

"Kelsey! You okay??" His friend, Jay, tapped on his shoulder. Jay was his closest friend at the time, playing football together almost every Sunday night. Kel wasn't very good at football though.

"Helllooo earth to Kelsey?" He waved his hand in front of his face.

"I'm here, I'm here!" Kel tapped Jay on the shin with his foot.

"What's up?" Jay asks. Kel is silent, staring at the ground. Finally, he says, "Can I.... Can you meet me after school? In the courtyard?"

Jay gives Kel an annoyed look. "If this is about the football tournament against the 8th graders, just know, that I'll be fine. Okay?"
"It's... it's not that."

"Oh, okay then! See ya after class!"

............................................................
He's shaking, he can't stop. He's breathing heavily, tears started to form under his eyes.

"So, what did you wanna tell me?" They're sitting at a wall in the courtyard, and Jay is waiting for Kel to respond.

"Kelsey?"

"I....I.... I WANNA BE A BOY!"

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" Jay turns his head in confusion. "Like... being transgender or something.?"

"...idk..... yeah." He bursts into tears, sobbing.
"Woah! Hey there! It's okay!!" Jay puts his hand on Kel's shoulder lightly. "Sooo... my dude?"

Kel stops crying and looks up. "What?"

Jay chuckles. "Nono, I'm serious, what should I call you now, my bro? My man!"

   This feels... good.

"Wait, you actually... mean it?" Kel's in shock.

"Of course! Now, what do you want me to call you?"

Kel managed a smile. "Kel. Just Kel."

"Okay, Kel it is!" Jay smiles back and laughs.

He pats him on the back hard, right over his hidden bruises.

   "Ouch!" He winced.

   "Oh my god! I'm so sorry!! I didn't mean to hit you that hard dude!"

   Kel stares blankly at the ground.

   Should I....?

   ...

   no.

   "It's alright..!" Kel let's out a nervous chuckle.
I can't tell anyone. Ever. I'm scared....
so... scared....

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A/n: Hii!! Sorry I haven't posted in a bit. Things have been really hectic and rough. I'll try to post more tho <3
Anyway, I made this chapter short cause I wanted to get something out at least, (even tho it literally is 4 am and I'm an insomniac) so you guys know I'm not dead.
Bye bye! Dms are open ^^

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