Cities that Never Sleep

xxi

When Finn answered the door, Katherine was definitely the last person he expected to see outside his dorm.

As she stood there, brown eyes anxious and hands fidgety, he didn't say anything. He didn't greet her like an old friend, because that's not what they were. He didn't even greet her like a stranger, politely and with small talk. All he could do was stand there, stare at her with a hollow expression, and wait.

"Finn," was all Katherine said, taking in his blank face and unresponsiveness, wondering if this was worse than anger or hatred.

"Hi." he spoke robotically.

She watched his jaw clench unsteadily, and as he gazed over her, eyes empty. She missed the dimples that appeared on his cheeks when he smiled, and the way he bit back words because he often talked too much.

"I know it's a little late-well, a lot late, but I needed to tell you."

When Finn didn't cut her off or tell her to leave like she had expected, she continued. Because that's really what Finn wanted: an explanation.

"I pushed you away because I was starting to devote more of my time and thoughts to you, and the scary thing was, I liked it. I liked when you pulled me away from my homework. I liked not always caring and worrying. I liked being tired the next morning from late nights in the cafe."

"Katherine-" Finn started to interrupt, but all of the words that had been bottled up inside for so long were now rushing out.

"-And that was something I didn't want to like, because for the past several years I've had this certain mind set, telling me that I had one priority and only one, that school was my priority. It was all that mattered. But now I realize that it's not. Maybe some things are more important holding onto than others-"

"Katherine-"

"-whether they're not the most logical or the most practical. Because that's not how it works. That's not how anything real works. I didn't think I could go on like this, without letting you know all of the things I never said. And for what it's worth-which is probably not much-I wanted to say that I'm sorry. But I am also grateful. Because you made me realize the things in the world that are worth it, and the things people do when they love someone-"

"I'm moving."

The rest of her unsaid words hung in the air, and every racing emotion that pounded against Katherine's chest buffered and faltered. She furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head to the side, not sure if she heard him right.

"You're...?" her voice trailed off as she looked at Finn.

"I'm moving, Katherine." he repeated.

The truth was, he did not want to despise her. He wanted to feel indifferent when he looked at her. But when his eyes met hers, he knew that was going to take a whole lot of more time.

"The painting that I did for the project for school, well, I offered it to a gallery. The one on St. Paul. And an art professor happened to get in touch with another professor in France, who seemed to take a liking to it as well."

She didn't want to hear what this meant.

"And he offered me a place at his art school. In Lyon. I leave next Monday."

"You're...you're moving to France?" 
was all that Katherine could say.

Finn confirmed her words with a curt nod, finding it hard to meet her eyes.

Then, gradually, Katherine smiled. He wasn't sure how much strength it took, but she smiled. "That's...that's really great, Finn. I knew your art would take off."

He ran a hand through his hair, unsure on what to say. "It's not Paris, but..."

"No, really. That's great." she assured. There was a moment where they both silently looked at each other.

"You should...you should see it sometime." Finn looked down at his feet, rolling onto his heels. "The painting."

Katherine nodded, then seemed to remember that her class started five minute ago. She told Finn that she didn't want to be more late than she already was, but congrats on the opportunity before rushing off down the hallway.

Finn wanted to stop her, to tell her to wait, but instead he froze, watching her leave like how she let him.

And maybe he regretted it, too.