It all started with Joy.

Chapter 12: Code fucking red.

Lily.

The birds are chirping, and sunlight is filtering through the open blinds; I point my feet down, and I distend my arms above my head stretching my whole body. I feel weirdly warm, and when I look down at my torso, I immediately know why; Jesse is holding his arm around me, and I can feel his body against my own. I am almost naked; my breasts are on display, and the only other item of clothing I am wearing is my mauve thong. I have this urge to scream in sheer panic, but I fight it back as I lift his arm and let it drop on the mattress and I slip out of the room quietly. I am trying to remember what has happened last night, but my memory is clouded. I recall him grabbing my ass before I left, and my breath getting caught in my throat at how he boldly claimed my body. That was a behaviour I had always despised because it undermines women's worth, but Jay...oof, Jay could have done anything if it meant he would continue to look at me with those mischievous green eyes and touch me with those knowing hands. I know we met at the club, but, by then, I had had already a bunch of cocktails and a few shots so God knows what happened. I get to the kitchen, and the air is knocked out of my lungs when I see our clothes scattered across the room. My shorts are lying on the coffee table and my top is on the sink while Jay's shirt is hanging on the television and his trousers are close to the door. I see one of my heels near the couch, but I can't find the other. Then, like a lightening tearing a peaceful, starry night, bits and pieces of the night before start resurfacing. I remember straddling him, and then Sam came but I was with him only for a little while because Jay forced me in a cab and took me home. I whip my head back to the couch and I see Jay leaning back on the sofa as I give him a sexy lap dance, which was everything but sexy, before removing my top and forcing him to touch me. This cannot be happening. I assaulted my best friend. I fucking assaulted my best friend. Air is not filling my lungs anymore, and oxygen fails to reach my cells as I force myself to breathe faster, but that doesn't help. My palms are sweaty, and I feel my heart thumping so hard against my rib cage that it hurts. I run to my room, throwing on whatever I can find before grabbing few essentials and fleeing the scene like the coward I am.

I start driving and I don't even know where I am going, my head exploding with terrible thoughts forming every seconds. I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles are white, and I let a single sob escape. As I am waiting at a red light, I press the call button on the car's display, and I try to regulate my breathing as it rings.

"What the fuck, mate?" I have just woken up my very drunk best friend who was having the first lie in in three weeks, and she isn't happy. I hear her cursing under her breath as her phone falls with a loud thud to the ground and Nick groans next to her.

"I assaulted someone," I blurt out.

"What?"

"I assaulted someone, Amelia," I shout, not in charge of my emotions anymore.

"What do you mean assaulted? You kicked someone's ass?"

"Nope," I shrill, "I got naked yesterday, and I forced your brother to touch my breasts. God knows what else I did!"

"What?" she shrieks, fully awake this time, "come to mine, now."

I drive around our neighbourhood, and I park near Millie's unit. When I get out of my car, she is already at her door, barefoot and only wearing Nick's shirt from the day before. I run inside and I throw myself on the couch before screaming into a pillow and pressing it harder to my face.

"Tell me everything, Lil."

I cock my head to the side to look at her, but then I realise I cannot tell her what happened and look her in the eyes at the same time. Yes, she is my best friend, but Jesse is her brother, so I hide my face under the pillow again before finding the courage to speak. "I don't remember much; I was fucking wasted Mill. I do remember him taking me home, though...and I gave him a lap dance."