this is me trying

Chapter 34 - Ona, Part 2

Ona's POV

I hated it. All of it.

I knew leaving Manchester was the right thing to do, for my career. But leaving her, at this current moment, was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to be with her.

But I knew it couldn't happen.

At least not now.

At least not yet.

When I announced the move, officially, something broke in me. I knew it was my time to go and do something big. Become the player I had always wanted to become.

But when Eva rocked up on my doorstep, the day after I had completed my medical and signed for the club (although, at this point, it hadn't been officially announced yet), my heart skipped two beats. Was this everything I had hoped for? Was this going to be the icing on the cake? Were we going to get back together and was everything going to be okay?

But that's not what happened.

"Eva?" I said when I saw her in my corridor. I had just arrived home from saying goodbye to all the United girls. It was a hard goodbye but one that had been a long time coming.

"Hi," she said, awkwardly. She was holding her arms, as if she was nervous. She always had been an anxious person (it was obvious) but I'd never seen her like this before.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I- um- well- you're going to Barcelona?" She said. My heart sank. She knew. Seeing Ingrid and Mapi yesterday must've given it away and of course, Ingrid would have told Eva. She is her best friend.

"How do you know?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I- the girls saw you yesterday. Doing the medical and stuff."

"Right, well, want to come in," I asked, unlocking my front door, and walking inside. I wanted to talk and talk properly. I wanted to explain everything. I wanted to tell her everything. She deserved nothing less. And while that was happening, I wanted her to be mine again. It was now or never.

"I just- I didn't come over here for anything Ona except the truth. I just want to know what you want." She looked scared, and to be honest, so did I. There was a sadness in my eyes, and a want in hers.

"I want to go back home," I replied, standing at my door. "I want to go back to my home. That was all." I knew she wanted to hear more from me. I wanted to give her more. But at that moment, I felt pressured. I knew in my heart that what I truly wanted was to be home... but with her. I just didn't have the guts to say that.

"Yeah, okay."

"Eva, I was going to tell you."

"It's okay. You didn't have to. We aren't together." The bluntness in her voice stung like nothing I had felt before. I hated hearing those words. I wanted us to be together. All I wanted, at that moment, was for Eva to read my mind and know what I wanted.

"Yeah, I guess we're not."

"Well, I hope home is what you wanted," she soon said to me, ready to walk off.

"You understand why, right? I want to be home, with my family, where I grew up. You understand that, right?" I pleaded.

"Yeah, no I do," I answered. "Maybe it's time I go home too then."

She walked away.

That was how we left it.

What I once thought was inevitable; infinity; forever, soon turned into hell; darkness; grief. It was like everything came crashing down just as I thought it would all start to lift up.