this is me trying

Chapter 35 - Laces that Connect

"Can we talk?" she said to me, slightly out of breath, as she ran across the park. But I didn't want to talk. I couldn't talk. All I needed in that moment was to be held; to be loved. Tears were streaming down my face, and without second thoughts, I leaned into her. I almost collapsed into her arms but she held me up. She wouldn't let me fall.

I needed that hug, and out of every single person in the world, all eight billion of them, Ona was, and always would be, the only person who could give me one. It was the cosmic connection between the two of us. Instead of being repelled, I was brought closer. She brought my head closer to earth; away from the hell that lurked within.

She didn't say anything. We stood there in silence. But it wasn't deafening, it was calming. I needed to feel the space rather than get caught up in it.

After a few moments, we broke apart and started to walk. We didn't talk about what had just happened, nor what had happened within the past months.

She asked me about me.

I asked her about her.

"Is everything okay in the Norway camp?" she asked me, as we walked along the harbour. We were going in the opposite direction to the park now.

"Not really," I answered. "It's getting really frustrating."

"Are you caught in it?" Ona questioned.

"Kind of. Hege just doesn't like me, it seems, but to be honest, I haven't done a lot to get on her good side."

"I did see that interview," Ona laughed. "Where you were like 'it was on on-field decision'." I laughed as she mimicked my Norweigan accent.

"But it was!" I replied, smiling, as I gave her a small nudge.

"And it worked."

"That it did. It got me benched for the next game though, and probably the next. Not sure I'll see the field again, if I'm being honest."

"Well, that's not your fault."

"Pretty sure it is," I laughed.

"No, you did what you had to during a game. I didn't know why she was playing you on the wing. Everyone knows you're world-class in the middle." I tried not to blush. Hearing Ona say those things reminded me of when she would fill me with confidence every day, night, lunch break. She never shied away from making me feel like the most special girl in the world.

Remind me why it ended again.

"Well, we'll see tomorrow," I replied.

"That we will."

We ended up walking nearly all of downtown Auckland, ending up back at the hotel we were all staying at. Awkwardly, all teams were housed in the same block, when not at their base camp.

"Are you going in?" I asked her, as we stood outside our hotel.

"Are you?" she asked.

"It's getting late, and I probably should."

"Okay." She looked disappointed and to be honest, so was I.

"Actually, can I show you something?" I asked her, not sure why I was doing it but knowing I wanted to be with her longer.

"Sure." Her eyes brightened as I spoke, and her eyebrows were no longer furrowed.

Ona and I walked into the hotel together, and in the lobby, Ingrid was there, with Alexia. Jenni was beside them, and Frido too. I felt my heart drop as they watched me walk in, side by side with Ona.

"Don't look," Ona whispered to me, "don't give them that satisfaction." I stayed strong, diverting my eyes to the elevator.

As the doors closed behind us, I leaned against the mirrored walls, breathing in and out.