In The Grave But Still Alive

the beginning

After tossing and turning all through the night my alarm finally buzzed. I audibly groaned reaching my arm out to turn it off. I laid there for a second as my thoughts came racing back and replaying the events of last night.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I can't allow them to ruin what could be a good day. I prop myself up a little bit on my bed as I adjust the pillows correctly. I looked to the nightstand for my phone. After unlocking my phone I went to my messages as I had a couple. Honestly? I didn't want to look at them I know they were just going to be worried text messages from the guys. I pressed my lips together and decided to click on Ryan's message first

"Hey chick, I hope you're doing okay. I didn't tell the guys anything about why you flipped last night and dashed off. I'll see you in class. ;p -Ryan"

I smiled softly at Ryan's message. It made me reminisce on when I caved and told him about my home life. I recall it fondly. We were just hit with a hail storm and I was trying to walk home.. silly right? Well Ryan wasn't having it all even after all my protests, I left him drive me "home". I say it like that because I wouldn't call this a house or a loving home for that matter. I live in a run down rusted trailer that has holes everywhere and pathetic plastic tarps over the roof to keep it from leaking when it rains. Our front door is semi bent and front porch has broken boards and loose metal pieces covering them up. The yard is just filled with junk. My father, Russ is a drug addict and alcoholic who likes to hoard junk thinking it's special. It's embarrassing! My trailer sits in the middle of a Forrest clearing off a dirt road it's the only place the city deans acceptable for a "partial junk yard". Anyways.. throughout the car ride to my trailer, Ryan kept giving me mixed looks as I know he was throughly confused on where the fuck I was taking him. He eventually pulled half way up the driveway when I screamed at him to stop.

You could see Russ standing with a liquor bottle in his hand yelling obscenities at us. I gave Ryan a quick hug before I left the car door. And in that second I wish I could have stayed. Ryan saw everything that day and I never had a chance to keep it a secret. Ryan witnessed Russ wrap his free hand through my hair and yanked my body towards the trailer. As I tried to grab his had out of my hair, he swung the bottle in my face and it broke instantly.

I decided to finally answer his message after repaying those events in my head for the last 5 minutes.

"Hey!  Yeah thank you for not saying anything about that. I uhm, I'll think of something to tell them. See you shortly! <3 -Mo"

As  I got out of bed and looked through my closet I eventually found what I wanted to wear. It was a pair of black fishnets and latex corset with my plaid pleated skirt. After I got dressed I sat on my floor in front of my full length mirror I had propped up by the window to do my makeup. I applied my eyebrows and some eyeshadow before doing my winged eyeliner and placing my eyelashes on. I rummaged through my makeup bag for my lipgloss and applied that before standing up and walking over to the closet to grab my combat boots.poking myself over one more time and satisfying with how I look I grabbed my black tote bag that had an embroidered white skeleton fairy on it. I made sure everything was in there.
1) my sunglasses
2) my makeup bag - for any touch ups I may need
3) my journal
4) my cigarettes and lighter
5) my drug bag.
Yes. Yes I did say drug bag. So I smoke a bit of marijuana and some other not so good things but with how I live I tend to do some shit normal people wouldn't do.

I opened my bedroom door and walked down the dark hallway to the living room to see Russ sprawled out in the recliner with a mountain of beer cans and liquor bottles near him. I shook my head and quickly tipped toed out the door. I closed the door behind me quietly as I began my 30 minute walk to the school hall.

Through the woods and over the called tree. I was embraced by the wildlife as I took my usual walk. I had my headphones in listening to music to make it all worth while. I came to a small clearing and could kinda see the black blobs of what are my friends.