Between fate and misfortune

Chapter 5

I wasn't the type of person to imagine what it would feel like to be on the brink of death. But now, I'm starting to get the idea of what it would feel like.

My eyes were only seeing an endless void of complete darkness and I could no longer feel my body. I had no idea of where I was at or who I Could possibly be with right now.

My breathing was at a slow pace but my body was still tremendously warm. Honestly,  it felt like I could die at this very moment.

"Ciaran..?"
"Ciaran..!?"

Even though I couldn't see what was going on around me, I heard loud but yet faint voices that called my name, practically yelling. Over and over again.

I couldn't tell if it was more than one person, and I didn't care to decide either.

For a slight moment my body was hot and in the next moment it would be slightly cooler.

...
So was I dead or not?

I was confused for a moment. But then I realized, I wouldn't care if I was dead either.

If I had the choice to choose between murdering dozens just out of selfish desires or the choice to kill myself and live on with a guilty conscience for the rest of my life—

I'd kill myself. Just cause.

My body became a little lighter and I felt some of my senses drain back into me.

"Ciaran..?"

My eyes twitched a little before they slowly opened again.

I could see, but I really couldn't. Since my eyes weren't fully adjusted to the things around me, everything was blurry and hard to see.

"He opened his eyes!" Was yelled out by a guy next to me

My eyes wandered and trailed the room once more.

I blinked a couple of times before taking further notice of my surroundings.

So where the hell was I?

I blinked my eyes a few times again before I finally realized.

I'm staring at the ceiling of a hospital room.

...

I looked around until I saw a guy leave the room I was in. Leaving me alone.

The amount of confusion I was in left me rendering speechless. What the hell is going on? And why can't I remember anything?.

Although, the guy I saw earlier, he seemed familiar.

Was he the one calling my name?

I could only open my eyes just enough to see he was leaving the hospital room I was in. He was rushing out at the time, so I didn't get to see who he was.

I wonder, was he someone important?

But my biggest question I had right now, was why in the hell am I in a hospital room to begin with?

I couldn't remember anything but a few faint distant memories. But what happened after that? Why am I here?  Was there some type of accident I got into?. But that wouldn't make sense because I have no bruises anywhere...

The only thing I could do was look at the ceiling and think. My body was numb and my lower body hurt like hell so it's not I could do anything to begin with. The only option I had was laying here. Maybe Skylar and Soren know something about this.? Where are they anyway?

My mind is so damn blank..

My body feels like it's shutting down, but my mind feels active. It's almost as if I'm really dead.

I looked down at my arm and saw a needle inside of it. What the hell do they need a needle for, is there really something wrong with me?

Where the hell is Skylar and Soren..!?

Why can't I remember anything??

Eventually the silence that overwhelmed me stopped and I heard a lot of commotion.

People were running down the hallways.

I didn't know what was happening. Was somebody shooting? Did somebody die?.

I put my arm over my eyes and let out a sigh. I should just sleep again..

I don't remember much but I remember all the killings I've done. Maybe it's best if I'd just die here and now. If I died, who would care anyway? Would Skylar and Soren be sobbing uncontrollably like I would? Would my mother be sad? Or would she be grateful because I wouldn't be a burden anymore.

It was all too laughable.

There's no nurse in here.

Am I already dead?

A door opened. And it was no longer silent again.

Before I knew it, I heard walking. Slow walking.

"What the hell-.."

...

It was them.

My eyes widened and I couldn't tell if I was happy to see them or not.

Before I knew it, the questions I wanted to ask were already exiting my mouth.

"Where the hell have you guys been!?"

"Why the hell am I in the hospital!? You know what happened don't you??"

"I'm free to leave now right??"

"Once I leave you'll tell me what happened? Right? Why this is happening? Why I can't remember anything, why my body feels this way?"

"How did I get here...?"

I stood in utter silence.

"Hahaha...we can leave right??"

They said nothing back.

"..."

"Skylar...?"

"Soren...?"

I stared at them for a while.

Why are they just standing there? Are they in shock or..what?

It took me a bit longer to notice. But when I looked into their eyes I could tell their soul was different.  They looked dead, like the life they lived were completely drained out of them. Are these even the same people? The friends I've known since I was young.

"Hey-..."

Soren looked me dead in the eyes. Skylar didn't look at me at all.

The eyes that once looked down at me with love and care were now looking at me as if we were complete strangers. He looked at me as if I was someone who he already considered dead.

It took one word to realize the situation

one look to realize the people who were supposed to be by my side forever were never in the same world as me to begin with.

One second of silence to realize it was already over.

And when I heard the police banging on every hospital door to find me, I immediately knew.

They were the ones who did this.