Still

Chapter -31

Author's POV

Everyone was settled for breakfast.... Rain came and sat beside Sky... Facing Payu....

Macao: It feels good that you are finally back...
Payu: Back? I was here the whole time..
Kinn: You were here but your were not you....
Chay: You were different Venice.. From the one who left.... We always felt that the one who came back was not the one who left....
Kim: It was difficult for us... But I know it was more difficult for you... Memories.. it play a major role in our life's...
Porsche: Thank you for coming back to us... And trying to figure out everything Venice....

Payu's eyes filled with tears... He knows that no matter what happens his family will always be there for him and love him despite how he is...

Payu: I.. I don't know what to...say... I'm happy that I have you guys as my family....
Khun: Oiiii... What are you guys making it so sad and emotional?? We should have a party!!!
Vegas: Do you know anything other than Party?
Khun: Did I ask you anything you devil?
Vegas: I have every right to talk... understood you carzy idiot cousin!!!

Vegas smirked after getting on Khun's nerves....

Khun: You are the crazy one...!!!

Just like that both of them started fighting... Others just ignored them and continued having their food... Rain was smiling and talking to everyone Payu just kept staring at Rain....

Payu: Rain....

Everyone heard him but they acted like they didn't and started hearing their conversation...

Rain: khab P'Payu....

Rain looked at Payu to continue talking...

Payu: Can we talk after breakfast?
Rain: You can just say it now... It's not like they don't know anything....

Rain leaned back to his chair... Ready for the conversation.... Everyone kept silent.... Payu was nervous... The Rain in front of his was not the naive and childish Rain... This Rain was matured... He knows what he wants...

Payu: Rain... About us... I know what I did was wrong... Even after knowing that there is someone back at home.. I left you... But I always felt empty...  All these years even after having everything I felt empty.... Until I saw you... That day when I came back home and saw you... I felt good... But I ignored those feelings.... I didn't want to feel that way towards you because I had someone by my side... Whom I promised to marry.... I tried to ignore you... hurt you... So that you will forget about me and start a new life... Everyone told me that I'll regret hurting you.... And I did... Not when I got my memories back... But when I found the truth about her and despite everything you cared for me... When I got my memories I realised that I fucked up... I hurt you... I hurt us... I... I don't know what to say anymore Rain.... I'm sorry... I'm really sorry Rain... You don't have to forgive me but please don't leave me... I love you.... I love you my kitty.... Please... Please I beg you....

Payu's eyes were filled with tears but he held it in... Everyone was sad seeing him like this.... Rain didn't say anything or moved from his position... He just kept staring at Payu when he talked... There was no emotion in his face... No one could say if he was angry or sad or relieved.... It was empty... Payu was surprised seeing Rain like this... Because the Rain he knew was easy to read... His eyes used to speak all his emotions but now they are empty.... Payu was getting uncomfortable by the each passing second... He felt like someone was choking him.....  Rain kept looking at him... He then looked at the juice infront of him... He then took the glass and took a few sips... He held the glass with both of his hands on the table and stared at it... Ignoring Payu's gaze on him....

Rain: I hated you the moment you told me you are leaving.... Because you choose to leave even after I begged you not to.... But you know what.... The very moment I hated myself... I hated myself for stopping you for doing something to protect our family.... And I let you go... Ever since I lost my parents I didn't know what happiness is... Every moment I lived... I questioned myself... I questioned my presence in this life... The only thing I wanted was to protect my brother and mother... I was ready to sacrifice everything for it... Then I met you... You made me feel things... You made me want to live... You helped me get out of my shadow... You made me dependent on you.... After you left I waited for you... Every day when I came back home I expected to see you there... Days passed by.... I finished my studies... When Dad and P'Sun told me that you were safe but were avoiding us... I felt my heart break... Many things came into my mind... I was happy that you were safe but I was.... Scared... I was afraid that you didn't want to come back to me... I worked day and night and got myself busy with everything so that I won't doubt your love for me... I believe that you will come back to me one day... But as years passed by my hope was getting shattered.... I wanted you... I wanted your presence... I wanted you when I fell sick... I wabted you when my shadows came back... I wanted you each night I cried myself to sleep... I wanted you when something good happened... You made me So dependent on you that not having you by my side made me question myself again... I started questioning my presence again in this world... What if you don't want me? What if you are even avoiding your family because of me? These thoughts were killing me... I even thought of ending my life...

Everyone looked at Rain... Even they didn't knew all these... Vegas and Sun did knew many but they didn't know he was suffering so much.... Payu didn't realise his tears were flowing and wetting his tshirt..... Rain was talking very calmly still looking at the glass of juice in front of him....

Rain: But I didn't... Each time I thought about that I realised that there were some people who loved me and called me their family.... They protected me and loved me... They loved me not because I was your boyfriend but because I was their son... Their brother... They made me feel love... They made me realise what a family feels like... The only reason I didn't kill myself are them... When I saw you after all these years.. I don't know what to do... I just wanted to hug you and hide in your arms forever... I wanted to feel that sense of security I felt in the past... But your behaviour and words shattered me... I was broke... But you know what the good thing is... I expected it... There was a part of me that expected something like this may happen in the future... So I made myself strong.... Strong for that moment... Strong for the moment when you will leave me... when you will tell me you don't want me anymore... But yet it hurted me so much...

Rain paused and sighed.... He glanced at him and drank the juice again and held it in his hands and stared at it again...

Rain: P'Payu...I was never dependent on anyone but one day you came into my life and made me dependent on you and you left me... I know you lost your memories but you can't use it as an excuse or blame the situation... I can understand that you didn't know about me at at first but then you did... And you made a choice.... You choose her... You knew that there was an idiot waiting for you back home... A fool who was waiting for you for years... But you choose to be with her and ignore me... You choose to run away with her other than facing me... If you had let me know about it back then... I would have given you my blessings and let you go... But you choose to ruin me... Ruin all the years I waited for you... I would have moved on back then... But you destroyed 7 years of my life P'Payu... Fucking 7 years I lived in the hope that you will come back to me... But one day you came and destroyed all my hope.... I can forgive you P'Payu but I can't trust you again... I can't go back to be the Rain I was 7 years ago... That Rain died the day you came back home... I'm sorry but I can't.... I don't want to say it but the time I spent with you during my recovery was a dream to me... I loved every single second of it... But now I regret it... I regret letting you be close to me... I regret confessing to you... I regret being your kitty...I regret depending on you... The only thing I don't regret is this family and being the kitty of this family... The family who stood by my side all this time... It's the only thing I don't regret....

Rain looked at Payu who was broken... Rain's each words were like stabs for Payu... Payu didn't realise that he has destroyed his own happiness... The moment he choose her over Rain his happiness was ruined... Rain's each word were right... He made Rain dependent on him So that he can take care of him but he was never there when he needed him... He left him even when he begged him not to... He was enjoying the last 7 years with her... Whereas Rain was suffering.... He ruined Rain's 7 years... He made Rain suffer... Everyone was sad hearing Rain... They knew he was going through all these but hearing Rain confessing everything made their heart ache.... Tears were flowing non stop through Payu's eyes.... He looked at Rain with a bit of hope but it was shattered....

Rain: I'm sorry P'Payu but I can't be with you....
Payu: Kitty... I'm sorry please forgive me... I can't live without you...
Rain: I forgive you P'Payu... But I can't be with you and You know better than me that you can live without me... And one more thing... Don't call me kitty... I like Dad and others calling me that but I don't like you calling me that....

Rain's words shattered the last but of hope Payu had... Even his right to call him his kitty was gone.... Rain looked at everyone....

Rain: I'm sorry everyone... I can't.... I can't do it....

Pete held Payu's hand in his and Payu sobbed.... Pete then looked at Rain who started trembling apologising to everyone..

Pete: You don't have to apologise Rain.. You didn't do anything wrong....
Kinn:  We respect your decision son...
Vegas: I told you before... No matter what you decide we will support you....

Everyone smiled at Rain and nodded their heads... Pete then embraced a broken Payu and patted his back...

Pete: Let it out son... You wil feel better... Don't worry your family will always be by your side love....

Pete kissed Payu's head.... Payu cried his heart out at Pa's embrace....