Chapter Thirty-Three : Lord of the Shore

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"I never wanted to hurt him. Truly."

Sabrina sighed softly, her eyes shifting down to her hands laying limp in her lap. "I know."

Sebastian was sitting on the couch next to her, the Undercroft being uncomfortably quiet as the weight of the day sunk in. "I can't believe he's gone," Sebastian spoke, his voice filled with agony. "How did things go so wrong? I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to–"

"Sebastian," Sabrina spoke softly. She looked at him, hunched over in defeat and regret, his elbows resting on his legs and his hands restlessly running through his curly hair. His brown eyes were staring into the fireplace, threatening to release tears Sabrina was surprised he still had in him. She hardly recognized him..

"I was only trying to help her. I didn't mean for things to go this far."

Sabrina reached out and put a hand on his shoulder gently. Sebastian stopped for a moment before he reached out and squeezed her hand in return as if afraid she would leave if he didn't. His hands were cold, callused, and shaking.

"You were defending yourself," Sabrina assured him. "Solomon was trying to kill you."

"I just hope Ominis can make her understand."

"Anne listens to Ominis. If anyone can change her mind about turning you in, it's him."

Sebastian took a shaky deep breath. "I'm not afraid of Azkaban," he explained. "I'm a fool, but it's the truth. If she turns me in, that's likely where I'll be headed, and I rightfully deserve it. No... I'm afraid of losing my sister. Of losing Ominis.... Of losing you." His eyes moved up to Sabrina's gaze as he said this. "And the thing is... I can't blame her. I can't blame any of you if you gave up on me entirely. You all believed in me, and I let you all down. I can't undo what's been done, but I can try every day to make up for it. I owe you and Ominis everything for standing by me."

Sabrina wanted to cry with him. "It wasn't easy, Sebastian. But I believe in you. I've always believed in you."

Sebastian looked away from her, his face showing a clear look of shame.

"Anne may just need some time. I'm sure one day she'll be able to forgive you."

Sebastian nodded. He then turned his head towards her again, obviously debating his next question, but finally spoke. "How do you do it? When you learned that your mother didn't want you... how did you accept it and get over it?"

The question caught Sabrina off guard. She felt her chest tighten at the memories as she tried to find the words. Finally, she replied, "I never did."

Sebastian' didn't say anything, but watched her as if asking her to explain further.

Sabrina lowered her head as she held in her emotions. "When I was at the orphanage, I got very good at hiding how I really felt. Every day, it felt like I had to put on a mask so that the angry and disobedient child couldn't come out. I needed to listen and behave to survive, and if I let myself think about my mother for too long it became harder to do that. So... I just learned to never think about it."

Sebastian listened quietly, his hand giving hers another gentle squeeze.

"When I came to Hogwarts, however, that mask became harder to keep on. It was difficult for me to understand that I didn't have to be that guarded person anymore. Some days are fine, other days it's the hardest thing in the world... but it does get better."

They listened to the fireplace for a moment, allowing the crackle of the wood to calm them down as they thought about her words.

"For what it's worth," Sebastian said softly as Sabrina's face lifted to meet his gaze. "I'm glad you came to Hogwarts."

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