Treasure [h.s]

| 08 - Begging |

My favorite part about living in this city is its ability to transform you into anything you want to be. Drag queens and Elvis impersonators dress up every night and change their names. Brutal CEOs crawl back to their dominatrix to be walked like dogs. Nothing is as it seems, and it's good that way.

I get to act like a laid-back, drugged-up, entitled asshole that's getting under Brinna's skin because I like to see her mad, and not because she has completely caught my attention with the way she confuses the absolute shit out of me.

I get to pretend that everything is perfectly fine and that I'm not clinging on to anything I can to give me an ounce of happiness.

I don't deserve the happiness, and I'm not even sure Brinna will ever stop being stubborn enough to let me in, but I'm going crazy and she's the only thing on my mind besides what I'm trying to hide from.

Everyone is hiding from something.

Maybe I was being cryptic because I was talking about myself. Maybe I've been talking about myself every time I told her something about herself. I'm not a fucking shrink, but I don't need one to tell me this unhealthy coping strategy is going to end in blazing fucking flames.

Totally fine, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now, I'll be focusing on what's in front of me. I won't be thinking about tomorrow. I can hardly think about anything other than her eyes right now, anyway.

I think what's drawing me into her is the fact that she seems to be so clueless about anything to do with my lifestyle. She doesn't know me, she doesn't know anything about being social, and she doesn't even know what she's feeling.

I won't claim to know her emotions better than she does, but I really do see people like her all the time. She's trying so hard to bury her past by piling it up with work as if that'll fill the sinkhole in her heart. She stays away from all of the 'bad' things so she doesn't get distracted from her goal.

But what happens when she gets to wherever it is that she's going?

She's going to crash harder than any one night on the strip has ever made her. She's going to reach her goal and realize it's not as extraordinary as she wishes it was, and she's going to dive into all of the things she's been avoiding ten times harder than if she just let herself experience a little bit of life right now.

People like her are all or nothing. Maybe she has a hard time deciphering right from wrong, or maybe she knows she really can't do something without it being all or nothing. Either way, I think her priorities are going to give her more trouble down the road than she realizes.

Bugging her has been one of my favorite games recently. She was kind of right when she said I get to do whatever I want because I've shown up to her job every single day for the last 6 days.

Of course, I have to get past the Jill-a monster first. I swear she's actually a lizard, no one is that cold-blooded. Not only is she bitchy, but she really is literally cold. Her icy hands make my skin crawl every time she touches me, but it's all worth it to be able to see Brinna's grossed-out face.