Treasure [h.s]

| 12 - Chronic |

It's been 23 days since I last saw Brinna, but who's counting?

I left her house early in the morning after I ordered her a coffee and picked up the place. I hope she knows that was my way of saying thank you for going out with me. I don't know what possessed me to stay overnight with her, but the sex wasn't enough. I needed more of her. I needed to feel her in a soothing way. Not that I didn't enjoy our intimacy, I very much did. I just needed to hold her against me.

I needed her warmth to mix with mine. I needed her heart to beat next to mine. I could tangle myself with her forever. I have no doubt her aura could heal me if I laid next to her enough. She has the kind of light that people search for their entire lives in the deepest corners of the world and never find, yet she brought herself to me under neon strobe lights.

It's rare to meet people you have an instant connection with, but Brinna is my four leaf clover.

I didn't mean to leave her as abruptly as I did. We went to sleep pretty late and I woke up before the sun even came up, and as bad as that looks, I swear it wasn't what it seems like. I didn't want to let go of her. I wish I could have kissed her before I left. I had to be fast before I got too bad.

I swear I wouldn't do that to her if I had the choice. I tried so hard to get her attention and it's very on-brand for the universe to pull some bullshit like this. I'm not meant to be happy, and apparently, one night of that is too much.

I made sure to tuck her in so she stayed warm. I put all of her pictures back where I thought they went, I refilled her vase of water, I put her clothes in a laundry basket, and I hung her purse. I might have been stumbling around and dizzy while I did it, but I needed her to know I wasn't just flaking out on her. I didn't want it to look like I was trying to sneak out.

I was having another episode and it wasn't going to stop just because I was even if for a short moment, finally at peace with Brinna in my arms.

That's the thing about being sick. It won't stop for anyone, it doesn't take holidays or weekends off. It shows up at the most inconvenient times just to punch you in the gut and remind you of how real it is, how you're a prisoner in your own body.

Zayn had to take a cab and come pick me and my car up. By the time he got there, I was far too sweaty and I could barely see anything. There was no way I was going to make it back home without crashing my car if I tried.

He had to walk me inside and lay me on my couch while I had completely lost my vision and started struggling to breathe. Usually, I don't ask him to take me to a hospital, but that night was different. It was stronger. A few months ago I would have told him to let me ride it out on my couch and tell him to go home. I would have let nature take its course, whatever that was going to be.

I ended up in the hospital for three days, hooked up to countless machines, having tests run on me, and getting copious amounts of drugs and antibiotics pumped into my veins through IV ports stuck into both of my arms.