Treasure [h.s]

| 22 - Pepper |

Needless to say, Harry's love language is acts of service. He spent the entire night kissing all over my body and reminding me of how sorry he is about what happened.

I didn't have to lift a finger the entire time he cooked me dinner, or when he drew me a bath and insisted on washing my hair, and then when he tucked me into bed and wandered off to the living room to sleep on the couch.

I made him come back to bed of course, but it was clear that he wasn't being nice to get something from me. I think he was just afraid that I would decide to make him leave, so he was soaking in every ounce of me that he could.

I'm not sure how I feel about the events of yesterday. I was really fucking upset after seeing that picture at work, so much so that Grace had to take my phone and drag me outside so she could drive me home.

And apparently, the woman in the picture is someone Harry used to frequently have sex with, but not since we met. Let's be honest, that wasn't that long ago. He's fresh on her mind and she works where he lives. That's screaming for disaster.

He said he would make her leave, but what does that even mean? Am I angry enough to make someone lose their job over something that Harry didn't want to happen? Should I even believe him when he says he didn't kiss her back? I don't know if I'm wrong about this, but I do believe him... I don't think he's the type to grovel on doorsteps after a kiss.

He obviously doesn't have to worry about women throwing themselves at him, so if he really doesn't care about me, he wouldn't have begged for me.

And then he said the L word.

What do I even do with that information? Is a few months enough to know you love someone? Is there even a time limit on how long it takes to know? Moments like these are the kind that a good set of parents would be useful for. I have no one to ask all of these questions and I don't even understand my own feelings.

So, I'm choosing to ignore that he said it. He obviously knows how he feels, and I was upset when I got the text, but does that mean I'm in love? I have no idea what that even feels like. I don't even know what we are, yet he thinks he's in love. That's a deeper devotion than I expected from him, and it scares the absolute shit out of me.

How do you know if someone is being truthful when you can't even decipher your own feelings? He makes me feel good, better than I ever have with another person, but does that mean I love him? How do I know if I'm feeling something real and not just from the heat of the moment?

More importantly, what if he only said that because he thought I wanted to hear it? Then if I say it back and mean it, he'll realize he doesn't and leave me. How long do you have to spend with someone before realizing your proclamation of love was fabricated? let's say we move in together, get married, start a family, but our love was entirely one-sided because he said it in the heat of the moment instead of meaning it. This is starting to feel complicated, and I hate that feeling.