Bungou Stray Dogs Short Stories

A secret out of the shadows

Note: All the parts are in different times and places! 

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Chuuya found out about a dreadful secret of Dazai. He texts Dazai letting him know he's coming early at night and that they are gonna have a talk about him and his physical well-being and also that he'd better find him. And then later that night, Chuuya breaks down the door to Dazai and his shared apartment which no one knows and barges in. He takes Dazai by his collar careful not to touch his arms to avoid putting him in pain.

"What the actual fvck is this you idiot ?!"

"Whatever do you mean, Chibi?"

"Answer me you bastard! You know very well what I mean!"

"Chuuya..."

This was the first time Chuuya had ever heard Dazai sounding so..so sad? He sounded sad. Even his expression seemed genuinely sad. He looked as if he was breaking apart inside. As if something was tormenting him and he wanted to tell him about it but couldn't. He knew how that felt. He felt it before, when he tried to remember his childhood in the past and during the time when the Sheep betrayed him. He wanted to say many things, to confide in someone, to cry in someone's arms, to have someone comfort him and console him. He saw that in Dazai in this moment.

"Chuuya...I-I "

"Sit down first moron."

He lets go of Dazai's collar as he makes Dazai sit on the bed of the bedroom.

"Now, Dazai. Can you try to tell me?" He tries to sound as sweet and soft as he can.

" ...I..."

"Take your time, I am here for you. Whenever you need, I will be there."

Some moments pass by without neither of them uttering a word but the atmosphere in the room is comforting and peaceful, thanks to Chuuya's choice of tone.

"I...have to do it... It's my repayment for all the harm I have caused. A demon like me should not be worthy of such things as happiness. Pain...is the thing that makes me feel human....I hate pain but I-I ...I can't go on without pain. I deserve it. I want it. I need to feel pain....Chuuya...I am sorry...to have let you down. I hid something from you again when we said we wouldn't keep secret..."

"...."

"Its's okay Dazai."

"...."

"Didn't I tell you to come to me so I could draw stars on your hands when you were in the Port Mafia? We agreed you wouldn't harm yourself as long as the stars were there. That still applied when you left. You could have come to me to let me redraw them you know?"

"..."

Chuuya leans on to Dazai's shoulder as he pulls him into a side-hug

. Dazai is conflicted. He feels water on his face. He moves his hand to see if there is actually water running down his face or just his hallucination. Salty water. It's tears. He's crying. A demon like him isn't supposed to be crying. Why is he crying? He shouldn't cry. Why can't he stop? He is unmatched in hiding emotions, so why can't he do it now? Is he....feeling sad? How could that be? His ability is directly connected to his soul He doesn't have emotions, right? But then again....when he is with Chuuya..he....feels...he feels calm...peaceful....contempt...He feels love. He feels happy...? Is Chuuya the reason why 'No Longer Human' has no affect on him anymore? Is it because he is here that he is capable of 'feeling sad'?

"You- You're crying Osamu....I've never seen you cry before."

"I...am...I haven't cried before. I didn't even cry when Odasaku died.."

" Oda Sasunosuke right? Your old friend at the 'Lupin' bar?"

"Yeah.."

"It's okay to cry Dazai."

"I..I don't understand. How can this happen? 'No Longer Human' is directly connected to it's user's soul and that makes it impossible to let me feel....but..."

"But what?" "But...when I with you Chibi...I .. I feel a lot of things...."

Chuuya only gives him a soft smile in response.

" Chibi....I hate you.."

"I hate you more Osamu"

"Thank you Chibi..."

"For what"

"For everything."

And so, they lie down on the bed after resolving this not-so-little conflict and call it a day. Chuuya keeps in mind to discuss this later on another day while Dazai just lies in Chuuya's arms in a comforting hug, which he needs and that Chuuya knows as well. Dazai is much grateful to Chuuya for all he has done for him, he is grateful that he is there for him.And so, the night folds from a dramatic angsty night to one with comfort, gratefulness and love. For another day begins tomorrow, another normal day in the universe of BSD but-When are things actually normal here?