It's all my fault

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Another's NOTE: BACK AGAIN WITH JANN AND JACK because I love them 🫶.

Jack's POV:
The last few hours has been a lot. Jann got into a wreak. A really really bad one to be in fact. Once I got to him he looked.... Dead. I was lucky allowed to be in the air ambulance with him and had my hand on his chest the entire way to the hospital. I just needed to know he was still alive. He was. Barely though. Once we landed at the nearest hospital they rushed Jann in to the operating room. They didn't want to take any chances. Of course I wasn't allowed  in. So I just sat nervously in the quiet white hospital corridor.

An hour went by and Danny got there and sat next to me.
"How is he?" He asked out of breath.
"He's in surgery. Doctor's didn't want to take any chances." I said quietly as the thought of something going wrong and that affecting Jann would make me....
A moment of silence passed by and Danny looked back up and right into my eyes.
"Someone got hurt." Danny whispered quietly.
My heart skipped a beat.
"Are they okay?" I asked, Danny looked down. He looked worried and sad at the same time. Why was he worried?
"They died on the way to the hospital." He said quietly.
Shit. Shit.
"How are we going to tell him? We can't just keep it hidden from him. He's gonna find out sooner or later." I asked. Danny was lost for words.
"I-I don't know." He whispered.

Another few hours past by and a Doctor came out. "Hi. You're with Madenbrough?" She asked.
"Yes we are. Is he okay?" Danny spoke up. "Yes he is okay. Nothing major just a lot of outer injuries that needed stitches. But he is fine." She explained.
I sighed the biggest relief. Thank god he was okay.
"Can we see him?" I asked quietly.
"Yes. Mind you he is still very much unconscious. Follow me please." She said and we followed her down to room 300.
The room was big for a hospital room. Once i stepped in my eyes darted right to the middle of the room.
There he was. Even though his feet hung off the bed, he looked so so small and vulnerable under the blankets and machines that where hooked to him. I felt tears weld in my eyes of just the slight of him but I couldn't take my eyes off him even if I tried.
I sat down next to Danny on those shitty uncomfortable hospital chairs and waited in silence.
"How are we going to explain this to Nissan.. there is going to launch some sort of investigation..."
But I cut him off. "Is that really what you're thinking about right now. Our racer is unconscious in a hospital bed with no information on when he is going to wake up when he does wake up we have to be the bearer of bad news and tell him what happened." I said sternly. If we weren't in a hospital I would be yelling but I didn't want to do that incase Jann woke up to yelling which wouldn't be pleasant.

Jann's POV:
I hear a mesh of sounds but mostly beeping and two voice. One seems more familiar than the other. I open my eyes and rub them. "Where am I?" I ask myself. I let out a groan and try and sit up to get held back by a blur.
"Hey. Hey. Take it easy. It's okay Jann." The blur said, then my vision became more clearer and I realized that Jack was holding me back and helping me get into a position where I was half siting up and half laying down. "What happened?" I asked confused. Then Jack and the other blur which turned out to be Danny looked down looking sad. "It wasn't your fault." Jack gently said. My heart skipped a beat. Shit, did something happen? "Did someone get hurt?" I ask, tears were already threatening to fall. "A spectator." I felt sick. No. Please say I didn't.. "did they die?" I asked, hoping for a more positive answer. "It wasn't your fault."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
My mind went crazy. I killed somebody. I felt sick as that sunk in more. Fuck. I am murder.
A hand being placed on my shoulder brung me back to reality.
"If it was anyone's fault it was mine. I should of pitted you sooner." Jack said gently, I could tell he was trying to calm me down but it wasn't working.
"I-I shouldn't of been there." My voice cracking, I tried to keep my tears in but I couldn't anymore and they flow down freely.
"Jann, it wasn't your fault. It was like a sail. It wasn't your fault, it was a freak accident which couldn't of been helped." Danny voice butted in. I was quickly getting mad of people using those four words to me.
"GET OUT!!!" I yelled.
I got stun eyes looking at me.
"GET OUT! Please." My voice breaking at the please.
Danny was the first one to leave. While Jack left after a minute giving me hurt reject eyes.
Suddenly I felt sick. Shit. Shit.
WHY WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH!  First I killed someone and got myself hurt and now I just pushed the most important people of my racing career away and yelled at them.
I rolled over in the uncomfortable hospital bed and cried into my pillow...
Just then my phone rang. I looked over.
Dad.
Fuck. Shit. I don't want to hear any bullshit my dad has to say so I just ignore it.
I look up. Would of this happened if they picked Matty instead of me?
Are they going to change me out for Matty?
Do they hate me? Probably.  I turned over and cuddled myself into a ball wanting more than the bed to swallow me whole.

I am sorry. Sorry I couldn't be good enough.

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