Chapter 1

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Eda inhaled, walking out of the bank and blinking away the tears. She made a few steps and looked at the sky, it was getting dark. She shook with the cold wind picking up but didn’t care as she sank to the edge of a bench.

The bank had refused her loan. She wasn't solvable enough. Eda had taken one loan to complete her studies. Even with a Master degree, she struggled to find a job for over a year. The job market in southern Europe was a disaster and en economical crisis just made it worst.

At first, she didn't worry much. She was confident she was financially stable. But the expanses of a pregnancy, an infant, her own rent and expanses and helping Ayfer on top, slowly dried the money she had from Art Life's shares.

Ayfer had hooked up with Alex again when Eda was gone, and worst, she had gotten addicted to drinking, and gambling. They had to sell the flower shop and Eda sent her half of her informe as soon as she could find a job, paying barely over the European minimum wage at the Milan municipality. They were outsourcing paysagism, and she could only be glad to have a safe contract to begin with.

Eda was resilient en strong. She raised her baby girl, wanting her little Kiraz to have all the happiness in the world. She didn’t care that slowly, she started to neglect her own self. She didn’t knew when keeping thorn shoes and not enough clothes became a habit. She didn’t care, as long as Kiraz was fed, warm and happy and that her job was safe. Everyone took clothes from recycled bins and associations, what difference did it make ?

Ayfer's addictions led her to be pursued for fraud. Eda had to pay for her lawyer's expenses and a fine exceeding half of what Art Life's shares were worth to stop her from being jailed.

That’s when things really got though. Kiraz was just two. She sold her car, getting some safety pocket money in her savings and bought a bike. Eda didn’t knew when, with inflation, even food tickets weren't enough anymore. She prioritised Kiraz's stuff. Milk and diapers, and they were incredibly expensive. She bought Kiraz some soups and baby yoghourt too, she couldn't vitamins deprave her child.

Eda instead lined up in food banks herself, getting a couple of pasta and rice or wheat packs a month she boiled, salted and ate. She lost a lot of weight. Much more than she had in that awful time when Serkan's plane had crashed.

She kept going, the fights with Ayfer intensifying. Ayfer had thrown Melo out long ago, saying she needed to rent to someone with a higher rent capacity, that had degraded Eda's relationship with Melo to non existant, distance and single motherhood had already impacted it a lot. Ayfer always asked for more money. Eda shifted, moving from her two rooms appartement to a 30m² studio where Kiraz still had her small bed but she slept on a matress by the window, it was an old building, the floor was most often very cold.

Eda's only happiness and respite was her daughter. Kiraz was her everything. She was bright and joyful, cheery and so innocent and oblivious, she reminded her of herself once upon a time. So fierce. So silly. She was also very smart, quiet at times and reminded her of Serkan a lot. Kiraz was so understanding, more mature than her age and she loved her unconditionally, she was the only person who did in the entire world.

Eda's shoulders shook as her composure broke and tears flooded her cheeks. They had refused the loan.

.....

Serkan allowed himself a little smile. Ismaïl, the small syrian refugee of just four years old they had rescued was finally reunited with his family, his mother had sent him pictures. He seemed very happy now, in Germany.

The years after Eda left, Serkan had sank into a deep depression. It was ironic for a cancer survivor like him, but he didn't want to live anymore. He missed Eda like she took a part of his heart with her.

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