Coming Home (Station 19/Grey's Anatomy fanfic)

Ripping the band-aid off

It has been a couple of days since then and I have the day off. Instead of relaxing, I have decided to confront my fear of going to what was Seattle Grace Hospital. Right now I am standing outside of the hospital lobby. It is not going to get any easier if I delay the inevitable. The thing is you would think that being a paramedic would force me to come here. The thing is most of the time it only takes one person to do the handover. It doesn't take long for me to be joined by a familiar face.

"Hey Erin," It's Meredith.

"Hey, Meredith. It's...been a while," I responded a little awkwardly. The conversation that we had after George died crossed my mind. His legacy lives on through you.

"Yep," Meredith responds. It is weird for her to be at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I came here. I should go," I excuse myself. The thing is I may never be able to work through this. Not unless I am forced to go to Grey Sloan. It is at that moment that I notice my breathing has sped up. Before Meredith has a chance to ask what is going on I leave. I will have to try again later. After what feels like an eternity I am back home. The fact that I couldn't step foot in Grey Sloan is bothering me. I need to get over my fear or get over it enough to do my job. I find myself tapping on the dining room table as I consider what I am going to do for the rest of my day. A part of me wants to reach out to Travis to see if he can help but the rest of me is screaming that it is a bad idea.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Mum asks.

"I tried to work up the courage to go into Grey Sloan. The issue is I can't shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong if I step foot in that building," I say.

"Look what happened to Georgie was not your fault," Mum gets to work on reassuring me as I continue the debate of whether or not I should tell Travis what is bothering me.

"I know but the thing is I am thinking about telling one of my crew members about it. I just don't know if I should," I explain. I begin pacing.

"If you think it will help you should," My mum counters. She is right however I never told anyone. Especially my colleagues at the NHS. I kept it a secret for eight years. The only people that know are my family and George's friends.

"That's the thing, mum. I don't know if it will help," I counter. You know what? I am gonna rip the band-aid off. There is no point in bottling things up. With a few swift movements, I send Travis a text. I don't want to show up unannounced. Thankfully he doesn't take long to reply. Luckily for me, Travis is happy to meet me at one of his favourite cafes. After excusing myself I get to work on finding the cafe that Travis suggested. After ten minutes I find a familiar face at one of the cafes. With a few swift movements, I sat down opposite him.

"Sorry about this Travis but there is something that I need to get off my chest," I announce.

"Is this about the thing with Grey Sloan?" Travis prompts as I feel the anxiety begin to claw at my chest. Dammit. I have to tell him. If I don't the emotions will fester and that never ends well.

"Yes...umm well...," I can't find the words. You would think I can come out and say it. After all, I have done things that are a lot harder. I catch myself fidgeting.

"You lost someone," Travis rips the band-aid off for me.

"Yes. My brother. He was a doctor at what was Seattle Grace now Grey Sloan," I confirm. I can't believe that I am actually telling someone about what happened to George. I am about to tell him more but the anxiety finally takes control.

"I'm sorry Travis. I can't. I need to go," I blurt out before I have time to think. I am about to go but I am stopped. Travis has his hands around my wrists. What he does next catches me by surprise. He looks me in the eyes. Right in the eyes. He is staring into my soul. The second I realise what is going on I try to break eye contact. The only thing that can help me is running. Yep, like George I have always wanted to run from my problems.

"Look at me and take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack," Travis sees right through me. Tell me something I don't know. I tried my best to do what Travis instructed but it is proving to be near impossible. That is the downside of losing someone. Despite Travis' best efforts, I break free. I will apologise tomorrow. After what feels like an eternity I made it back home. As soon as I walk through the door I am greeted by my mum. She is not happy.

"I tried," are the only words that I get out before I head to my room. At least my mum knows how I feel. I wasn't the only one that was hit hard that day. To be honest I really need to tell Travis but my brain is being an arse and that is putting it mildly.

"Hey Mrs O'Mally, is Erin here?" A familiar voice asks. There is only one way that he would know my address. He followed me.

"Please call me Luise and she is but something tells me she is not in the mood to talk," My mum is clearly in overprotective mode.

"Mum if that's Travis it's ok. I was in the middle of telling him about what happened to Georgie then I had a panic attack and I ran," I explained as I joined the pair. Travis glances at me as the look on my mum's face softens.

"How about I make you a cup of coffee," My mum addresses Travis.

"Sure," Travis remarks. With that, we take a seat at the dining room table.

"Anyway, I should tell you what happened to my brother," I say.

"You don't have to if it makes you feel uncomfortable," Travis responds

"Yeah well, I might as well. I already told you that he died. I just didn't tell you how," I counter. Come on Erin. You can rip the rest of the band-aid off. Travis seems to give up. Before Travis has a chance to reply I blurt what happened.

"He died saving someone from being hit by a bus. I was sixteen at the time. After that, Seattle never felt the same. That's why I left," It feels good to finally have someone outside of my family and George's friend circle who knows. After a solid thirty minutes of chatting and being pestered by Mum Travis has decided that he needs to get other things done. I can't blame him. At least my brothers aren't here.

"Umm before I go I just want to remind you if you need to talk to someone I am happy to listen," Travis remarks.

"Of course," I respond. After leaving I sigh. Emotions have a way of wearing the victim down. The thing is there is nothing that I can do to make them disappear. I just have to be prepared for whatever they may throw at me. At least I know I have some backup. Hopefully, I can muster the courage to tell the others. That will come in due course. Right now I am glad that I told someone.