Astania Reviews

Kae | The Kingmaker

TITLE: The Kingmaker

AUTHOR: YouCanCallMeCorn

GENRE: Fantasy

CHAPTERS I'VE READ: Five

PAYMENT FOR YOU

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• Choose any story of mine, read half of what I've read for you, and leave comments. Note: Because I stopped at an uneven number, you can read two chapters of mine. 

Plot

The plot follows a large cast of characters, though Tetsuya is the main POV. He is at once an Eye for the Prince and a mere Dancer, given the task of making a King out of a cursed Prince... all in a political scheme that will allow Tetsuya and his brother to be free. It's a complex plot, (so much so that I had to reread some chapters and your blurb) but it has great intrigue. I've read a lot of fantasy, though never anything quite like this story before.

Note: I stopped reading originally after chapter four, and proceeded to read chapter five before finishing this review. The reason I originally stopped was simply because I was busy, but after a few days of not picking it up again, I started to wonder why. This is the kind of story I assumed I would be the target audience for. It's got a lot of things I like: complex characters, Princes with secrets, tension, and a well-polished premise and writing. I like a lot of this story and simply found myself... skimming?

I don't even think this is a fault of the story and its plot, because when I read it, I invariably enjoy what I'm reading. At the end of the day though, I just don't think I'm your ideal reader.

I'm the type of person where once I get very into a story, I will not be able to stop. I consume the whole thing all at once. This goes the same in the opposite direction, so I don't want to force myself to keep going, and even if I did, that wouldn't be fair to you at all.

Let me attempt to explain my general reasoning for why I stopped where I did: I think (and of course my opinion is merely that), the pacing of some scenes threw me off. I'm guilty of doing this too in my own work, which I think actually contributed to me continuing to read, because I saw a lot of my own self in what you've written.

Some of your dialogue scenes (for example near the midpoint to the end of chapter five, and also to some extent, chapter four), happen while the characters are both having very interesting conversations, along with very interesting inner thoughts, but they're often not doing anything while they talk, so the pace sort of... stops so the characters can discuss, then moves along again. I'm aware (because, like I said, I also do this) that it's because the scene needs to happen for the plot, since the characters are having crucial discussions that advance to the next scene. However, if I were to make a suggestion, it would be to combine these scenes with ones where the characters are in movement, like the one at the beginning of chapter four when Tetsuya is walking with his brother. Here, we get two characters' actions along with the conversation, so the pace doesn't lose its steam, and I kind of don't notice the fact that they're having a long conversation because the fact that I'm also seeing them remark upon the setting is enough to make it less stagnant.

My opinion is, of course, merely just that, and at the end of the day, this is your story, and you know it better than anyone. My opinion is merely that, and it is subjective. I perceived it a certain way and you do not have to agree, since it mostly comes down to my preferences.