Astania Reviews

Azia | Peregrinate

TITLE: Peregrinate

AUTHOR: Writix22

Review

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that everything in the review represents my opinion on what could make the story stand out more to who I think is your target audience. However, you know your story and your audience best, so no matter what is written here, please stay true to yourself!

Thank you for applying for my review shop! Overall, you have a well-written story with an intriguing premise. I see a lot of potential in your story, but unfortunately, it does start pretty slowly. You have a bit more focus on descriptions and vibes than the plot, which is great for a published book, but not the best for an online book on Wattpad. Below, I'll highlight some tips I think that would really make your story stand out a lot more if you have the time to edit it.

Blurb: The blurb is written fantastically. You have the introduction to the main character (Manya), the premise (time travel), and Manya's stake (being stuck in the past or losing her new friends/love). The last paragraph with all the questions is also perfect and ends beautifully.

My one suggestion would be to keep the blurb, but add one more line on top: a logline that summarizes your story in just one sentence. Then, make sure you start your description with the logline. The reason is that readers, when scrolling to find new books to read, can only see the first sentence of your description. That first sentence needs to tell them everything they need to know about your story and pull them in immediately. A logline at the start of your description would do just that.

If you want to see some logline examples, you can check out Wattpad Originals (previously known as paid stories). They all have the same format for their description—they all start with a single sentence of a logline. And if you want, this is my idea for what I think your logline could be: "Stuck in the past, sixteen-year-old Manya must decide if she wants to get back to the present and return to her old life, or stay in the past and be with her beloved."

Cover: Your cover is a simple one and it clearly tells me how it's a historical novel. Unfortunately, that's about all it tells me—historical. There is a lot more to your story than historical that I think you can change your cover to show. Since you're on Wattpad, I'd suggest that you lean heavily on your romance plot. If you can, try to make a cover where you can show your main character and her love interest, both dressed in historical Indian garb. That will immediately tell you three things: (1) romance, (2) historical, (3) Indian.

If it's challenging to make the covers yourself, there are plenty of very talented graphic designers on Wattpad that have cover shops that you can request! Our very own community has a graphic shop (although it's very new and we're still hiring more designers).

Tags: Your tags are pretty good. You used all 25 of them and most of them are informative and good tags. However, I would get rid of #swoon (it only has 300 stories using the tag) and #lavenderawards (I understand it's a requirement for a contest but usually they accept you tagging it in the descriptions instead). Replace these two tags with tags that have at least a thousand stories using the tag. Perhaps more tags on the type of romance you are writing e.g. #forbiddenromance, #royaltyromance, #arrangedmarriage, etc. Whatever that fits!

Prologue: Before I got to your prologue, I had to click through three chapters of non-story-related content. There are data showing that the more you make your readers click on something to get to your story, the more they will just give up even reading it. Every story part you put before your prologue is a handful of readers lost. What I suggest is to have your content warning at the top of your prologue instead, and move your "introduction" and "reviews and awards" chapter to the very end, so only readers who finished reading your books (and are certified fans) will get to know more about why you wrote the story and the accomplishments you have. Before the readers are your fans, however, you want them to actually get to reading your story ASAP. So make sure that the moment they choose to read your story by clicking "read now", they are immediately taken to your prologue, not any other non-narrative chapters.

As for your actual prologue, I have no notes. It's short, beautifully written, with a very shocking twist that is bound to get readers to click "next chapter". Well done.

Chapter One: Your writing style is lovely, and there are a lot of beautiful descriptions that you execute very well. However, there is a huge problem in your first chapter: nothing happens.

The summary of your chapter one can be basically summarized as: "Manya travels to a new home. And at the end of the chapter, she arrives at her new home." Can you see how this is not the best way to craft your chapter? You have not introduced anything of stakes for Manya, you have not ended the chapter with a cliffhanger or a hook of some sort, and you have not given Manya any conflict or problem for her to solve.

I went ahead and skimmed your next few chapters. The end of your chapter two has an interesting hook with Manta meeting an intriguing man, but still, if you really take a step back and look at your chapter two, nothing really happens either. I had to keep going for a few more chapters to finally get to the time-traveling plot point you mentioned in your blurb. It is in chapter five that things are finally getting mysterious and interesting.

I know this story is still ongoing, and I think you should continue what you are doing for now. Your writing is beautiful and you are clearly getting readers who are interested in your work. But I do implore you, when you are completed with this story, to come back to the first five chapters of your book and either condense it or move things around such that you start with the time-traveling plot right at the start, right at chapter one. If you can make it such that you end chapter one with Manya experiencing time traveling, I have no doubts that your story will blow up.

For now, keep writing!

Anyway, that's the end of your review! Good luck with the rest of your writing journey, and I hope these notes are helpful.

Ending note: As per my rules, please share the review in your message board, tagging me (AziaElga). Thank you!