Plain Janes

n i n e

❝ Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. ❞

-Bruce Lee

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I felt like everyone knew what I was doing. My parents knew I was hiding from something, and no doubt my brother knew. Even my cat seemed to collect signals from the air around me that something was off.

I scratched behind his ear lightly. "I know I'm putting it off," I spoke to him absently.

He looked up at me with large green eyes. "And don't give me that look either. I already know I'm a wimp."

I had been picking up my phone and setting it down over and over again, contemplating whether or not I would text Max and apologize.

I knew that I should, but this was a matter on whether or not that was going to happen.

After many many hours of thinking and finally thinking clearly. I was able to see past my emotions to realize how much of a jerk I was.

Sure, I was still a little upset that he hadn't told me sooner, but that was his right. I had no right to be angry about his decisions.

I put my head in my hands for the umpteenth time, as the scene replayed in my head without a stop. I groaned at my childlike actions at the coffee shop.

Did he even want to talk to me at this point? If I were him, I would be at the very bottom of the list of people to converse with. I didn't even give him a chance to explain.

I'd chickened out of seeing him yesterday and this morning, which means that we're down to five days left due to my selfish actions.

I pursed my lips and picked up my phone, but this time it was different.

Willing to talk if you are. Tomorrow usual time?

I threw my phone down next to me, falling into a fitful sleep full of variations on how tomorrow might play out. I didn't hear my phone buzzing next to me because I was already surrounded by the sweet darkness.

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Everything was making me jittery. The soft music playing in the background that usually soothes my soul was an aching headache as I stared at the door. When I woke up this morning, my phone had two missed calls from Max but no messages.

I couldn't begin to think of what he feel the need to call me for instead of text me, and I wasn't exactly sure I wanted to know. I worked through my daily routine, this time throwing on a dash of makeup. Nothing to heavy, just something subtle enough to enhance whatever features I may have.

My mug was scalding each individual crease in my palm warming me to my feet, but my body refused to do anything except move my head. My eyes were plastered to the door, and would glance at the clock every now and then to assure myself that he still has time.

We still have time.

All of the voices around me were groggy echoes, both loud and soft yet altogether sweet music to my sensitive ears. I'm glad that even though I'm not certain that I will walk out of this coffee shop today with a smile, other people will be able to experience that happiness that I long for.

The moment I met Max, I knew I was in for something, I just didn't know what exactly. As I stared out the window to all of the pedestrians bundled up in the cold, I realized I still didn't.

A small smile graced my lips, as my gaze shifted. This was probably the first time that I have stepped out on faith and everything turned out alright for a moment.