Homeless

Chapter 32

My heart rose to my throat. I looked at him, expecting to see a joke in his eyes. There wasn't. He was completely serious.

"Are you- are you serious?" I asked.

Nathaniel sighed. "Don't look like you're about to bolt. And yes, I'm serious."

"I'm not about to bolt," I mumbled, biting my cheek. Even knowing beforehand that he wanted to marry me wasn't enough to diffuse the surprise.

"I- How do you know someone is the right person?" I asked him. "How do you know I'm someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

He grinned so widely it was a wonder his cheeks didn't split. I gave him a look. "Why are you grinning?"

"I'm glad it's not a flat out no. I can work with that," he said. "To answer your question. You don't. You can never know what'll happen in life or how a person could change with time. But I find that worrying about the future only makes me miserable. You're the person I want to be with right now and in the future. I believe it's the right decision. I have-"

"A gut feeling," I said with a shake of my head.

"Yep," he said. He chucked my chin. "Don't get all worried about this again. When the time comes, it'll happen. Right now, focus on yourself. I'll always be here for you. Who knows, we could be in place of this happy couple in a few years or a few months, whenever you want."

"Why are you so sure?" I asked, tugging on the blades of grass by my hand. "Maybe you'll find someone else."

He chuckled. "There's a bigger chance you will," he said. "But like I said, I try not to worry about the future too much. I know you're the one for me. Whether it's now or ten years from now or fifty years from now, you're it. And I'll be here for as long as it takes you to realize it."

Tears clogged my throat. I blinked hard and looked away. How could he know for sure? How could he want someone so... damaged?

"You're insane," I said.

He laughed. "No, I'm in love. There's a difference, although it's pretty small."

I stared at him, wide-eyed and speechless. Nathaniel smiled and stood up, giving me his hand. "Come on, let's go home. I think you had enough heart attacks for one night."

I took his hand, feeling my face explode with warmth. Nathaniel picked up the box of sweets and we made our way to the car.

I'm in love.

I'm in love.

I'm in love.

The words echoed in my head all the way to the car. My surroundings blurred. If not for Nathaniel's arm around my shoulders, I would've drifted off to God knows where.

He said he loved me. Was he expecting me to say it back? Should I? More importantly, did I love him?

How does someone know they're in love? What is love anyway? I knew I liked Nathaniel, more than liked him. And I was attracted to him. I liked his touch and I enjoyed his kiss more than I thought possible considering my traumatic past.

More than that, I cared about him, I respected him as a person, and I felt a deep connection between us, a connection that seemed stronger than life itself. Was that love?

Nathaniel steered the car home, not saying a word, as if he knew I needed time to come to terms with my own thoughts and feelings. I glanced at him. Light and darkness played on his face as we rolled through the night streets.

My heart rate quickened. He was so... Nathaniel. I couldn't see myself with anyone else. I felt something for him, alright. Something strong and new and warm. Was that love? Did it matter if that was love as other people knew it or not? I wanted to spend my life with him, I couldn't see myself with anyone else. Wasn't that enough?