Hagrid Loves Hermione

An Eventful Dinner

  Hermione knocked on Hagrid's big door. Hagrid, being half-giant, lived in an oversized cottage with everything being built to suit his immense height. The doorknob on his front door was almost as high up as the top of Hermione's head. None of this alarmed her though, she had known Hagrid ever since her first year at Hogwarts, and she trusted him completely.
The door opened, and a wave of heat from the fireplace swept her hair back. Hagrid stood tall before her in the same suit, his bushy hair had been slathered down again with the same substance.
"'Ermione! Come on in! I'm still preparin' everything."
She strolled in, looking around in awe at the huge furniture.
"Me humble abode." Hagrid said, his eyes wandering over his guest's pretty dress and firm calves.
"Wow, you look nice tonigh'."
She waved a hand in his direction.
"Aw thanks Hagrid. Did you need help with dinner?"
He cleared his throat.
"Ah yeah sure, sure. I still gotta dice up the truffles. I saved those."
"Wonderful!" she said.
He led her to a table where he had been chopping vegetables, and she laughed when her chin barely cleared the edge of it.
"'Here let me help ya."
He picked her up in his big hands and put her feet on one of his chairs.
The fact that his hands were basically around the edge of her breasts when he did so troubled her, but she dismissed it quickly.
"That better?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah. Thanks."
They chopped the truffles up in silence for a while, and Hagrid gathered them and dropped them in the big stewpot that bubbles over the fire.
"And that's that. We just let it simmer for 'bout an hour."
"Wow. An hour huh. What should we do while we wait?" she asked.
"Er...I dunno." Hagrid said, scratching his beard.
"We can just sit and chat then, I guess. You can tell me about your animals."
"Uh yeah, sure."
They walked over to a pair of chairs by the fireplace and sat down.
Hermione had to jump to get in the big armchair, and her feet dangled high off the floor when she got settled.
"Well, what would ya like to know?" he asked.
"I've always been interested in the creatures that roam the woods, you know, like the...OH!"
Hermione jumped.
"What is it?" Hagrid asked, alarmed.
"Something is under me, in the.."
A long green snake slithered from behind her and reared it's head up, staring at her with bright black eyes.
"A SNAKE!" she screamed.
"Oh no, he's harmless Hermione, that's just.."
But she didn't hear him, she immediately stood up in her chair, and leapt across to Hagrid. She landed in his lap, still screaming.
"I hate SNAKES!"
"It's just Dilly, me pet grass snake, he won't.."
Dilly watched the crazy girl from his chair, his head swaying in curiosity.
Hermione clutched Hagrid, and he became aware of her bum rubbing into his crotch.
"Easy dear, it's fine. You're squishing me a bit."
"Im sorry. He just freaked me out a little."
She spun in his lap, her dress riding up one long bare leg. A slim bit of her underwear peeked out, as pink as a flower.
"Oh lord." Hagrid muttered.
"What is it?" she asked. "Did I hurt you?"
"Ya, a little. You landed right on my..uh.."
Hagrid realized that he was growing a fast boner, like a tire being inflated to max pressure.
"Am I sitting on something? It feels like.."
"Uh, you better get off now, Hermione."
They were interrupted by the front door crashing open.
Harry and Ron stood in the doorway side by side, both with grim looks on their faces.
"What in the fuck?" Ron asked.
Hermione jumped down quickly.
"No, no! It's not what it looked like!"
"It never is." Harry said.
"There was a SNAKE!" Hermione yelled.
"Yeah, and if we didn't show up, I bet Hagrid would've shown you that snake!" Ron hissed.
"Boys. It's okay, we were.."
Harry stepped forward, drawing his wand.
"It's NOT okay, you bloody oaf! That's our friend that you had on yer lap trying to put the moves on!"
"I WASN'T!" Hagrid yelled in defiance, standing up.
Ron pointed his wand at Hagrid.
"Stay back, you bloody pedo."
"RON!"
"It's just a misunderstanding, boys, really. You've known me for years!"
"Yeah, we thought we did." Harry said.
Ron walked up to Hermione and grabbed her hand, keeping his wand pointed at Hagrid.
"Let's go Hermione. You're never coming back here again." he said.
She pulled her hand free angrily.
"You don't OWN me! Besides, we're not going anywhere until you idiots believe us that there was NOTHING going on!"
"Oh bollocks" Harry said. "He's been leering at you everyday since you got back to school!"
Hagrid looked down, embarrassed.
"No he hasn't!" Hermione yelled.
Ron grabbed her hand again.
"Yes he HAS, me and Harry have been watching him every day! All he does his stare at your tits and arse and..."
"Oh AGAIN with the boobs! That's all everyone talks about now! I wish the bloody things never grew! But it's not my FAULT!"
Hermione was furious, clenching her fists until they turned ghost-white.
Harry coughed.
"We know it's not your fault, Hermione. We just.."
"Oh shut it!" she yelled. "I don't need anyone to spy on me everyday and try to protect me! I can take care of myself!"
Harry and Ron lowered their wands a little.
From behind them:
"Well isn't this cute. A little love triangle between the giant goof, the whore, and the retards."
Draco and Crabbe walked in, their wands pointed at Ron and Harry; a deadly look on their faces.