A F*cked Up Group Of Kids

Hazel - chapter twenty-three

Veronica and I were friends again. Things were back to the way they were.

Well, there were a few differences. Veronica still sat with Lizzy for lunch, and sometimes I even joined them, though I didn't talk much. Veronica and Betty were dating, and even though I really loved Veronica, I couldn't deny that they were cute together and that Betty was absolutely a good match for Veronica.

I even hung out with Madeline more. We haven't talked just me and her since the kiss, but apparently, she made up with Lizzy and now was sitting with me at the cool-kids table.

It was... nice, to know that a group of people liked my presence, even if I never really joined the conversation. It was a start. A step in the right direction.

There was another thing though, something I would never have seen coming. I thought that seeing Veronica with Betty would have upset me, and made me jealous. The idea of it a month ago sent me spiraling, and I thought it'd be so much worse witnessing it.

But it wasn't. I didn't feel anything other than warmth when I saw them together. And when I was alone with Veronica, the familiar feeling of joy overtook me, but the butterflies weren't there with it. I knew that I had a crush on her, but I didn't feel it anymore. I was just happy to be around her, with no longing attached.

And then there was Madeline, who even though I haven't had a proper conversation with her since the kiss, I would occasionally lock eyes with her, and those butterflies that used to come from Veronica started fluttering in my stomach. Our knees would bump under the table and my body would heat up.

It was strange because my feelings for Veronica always involved me gushing about her like some pathetic poet. I would wax poetic about her eyes and her laugh and all of her other traits. But with Madeline, I don't have the urge to blabber about how pretty she is. Not that she isn't pretty, but that wasn't what I focused on. I just... I liked being with her. I liked criticizing her writing while she criticized my acting, both of us knowing it was in good fun. I liked making fun of her for her habit of biting the ends of pencils, even if I secretly thought it was cute. I liked forcing her (and the rest of the gang) to watch musicals like Falsettos and & Juliet, which were my current favorites. I liked it when she made fun of the musicals but still told me about her favorite parts in the end. I liked her, but it wasn't the kind of love I have for Veronica.

With Veronica, I loved her like she was an angel. Like she was something greater than me that was forever out of my reach. With Madeline, I loved her like she was a human. Like she was my equal, and like I could actually be with her.

This is why, in the middle of October, I asked Madeline to meet with me in the tea shop.

"Hey you," I say smiling at her as she walks towards the corner I was sitting in. The same corner we started to become friends in.

"Hey," she responded, picking at her nails and looking worried.

"Want to order something? Earl Grey, right?" Madeline nods and I ask Barbra for tea and cookies. I then look at Madeline. She looked different. For the first time since I met her, her hair wasn't in a ponytail, but loose across her shoulders. She also had makeup on. It was just a bit of eyeliner and lipstick, but it was noticeable, and it was cute. She was cute.

"So," I start, and I realize I have no idea how to start this conversation. I let out an awkward laugh, and Madeline quickly joined me.

"God I'm a mess," I let out with a sigh with a face-palm.

"I know," Madeline laughs at me, and I can't help smiling.

"So are you," I say, nudging her knee with mine, which sends goosebumps up my spine.

"I know," Madeline repeats herself, still chuckling.

"I- I wanted to talk about the kiss," I finally say, and Madeline's laughs die down. "I... I really liked it. I think I really like you, and that scares me, because I've spent over a decade being in love with a girl, and suddenly I started to really like you."

Madeline's face is flustered and red, and I can't help thinking that she looks adorable.

"I like you too," She whispers. "I mean you're annoying and arrogant, but you're passionate and talented and you wear your heart on your sleeves, and I really like that about you."

"You're annoying too," I respond, smiling. "You're annoying and a perfectionist and so smart and you speak your mind and you're also a pretty okay writer."

"Thanks," Madeline says, rolling her eyes. "You're a pretty okay actress."

And then we're quiet, and we're holding hands, and we're calm.

"Will you go out with me?" Madeline asks me softly. I squeeze her hand.

"I'd love to."

A/N

And that's the final chapter. There's going to be an Epilogue, but then we're done. I hope you enjoyed this story :)