Drowning (Kaz Brekker)

ii - Taunting Ghosts

ASRA WAS LEFT ALONE AND SHAKING ON THE FLOOR. She didn't bother to move from the heap Van Eck's men had left her in. She was crying, terrified sobs that racked through her whole body. She'd tried. She'd tried so damn hard to keep it all at bay. All she ever did was fucking try. But all it had taken was one needle to her neck as Asra's mind went wild.

She was twelve when her mother first sent her on a job, when she got her first dose of clearance. She'd known coming and going from the House required her to be sedated, at least partially. It was a security messure. Even so young, the prodigal daughter had understood the necessity of everything. It was why her mother loved her so.

The girl always knew what was coming. It was her pride, her skill, her secret comfort when she had nothing else. The next hit, the next test, the next job, the next security messure. She always knew, or at least had a very good guess, as to what was coming.

When the doctors had first come to take her, she hadn't let herself panic.

"What is this about?" She'd asked, stood defiant at her bunk. She had her own room, smaller than the shared dorms, but she'd never needed much space. She'd been back from her first job for half an hour. The thrill of it all was still fresh in her blood, but she contained it within herself. She'd let her mother see her excitement when she got back, but she'd simply hit her.

What have I told you about emotion? She'd said, not looking up from her papers.

It is unbecoming. She'd replied slowly. She dropped her hand from her stinging cheek. Sorry, Mother. I'll leave you to it.

The doctor scowled. "You're to come with us. Do I need to repeat myself?"

She steeled herself. She knew that tone well. "No, sir. Lead the way."

A doctor either side of her, she'd been led through the halls. She'd tried countless times to make a map of the House. It had never worked. She'd tried to draw one once. By the time her mother was done with her, the girl hadn't been able to stand. She'd had to drag herself from the office and back to her room.

She knew, vaguely, where everything was. And so the girl quickly came to realise these doctors were not taking her to the infirmary. But she didn't ask, didn't let it show. Knowledge was dangerous. She knew that well.

Her mother had been waiting before the door. The prodigal daughter had been twelve, insufferably small, and trying to swallow the dread building within her. She stopped, back straight and head high, before the woman she called mother.

"What's this about?" She'd asked.

Her mother had crouched before her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's a safety messure. Everyone has it after their first job."

"I've never heard anything about this." The door beside them was heavy set. Doors like that were used for the kennels, to keep beasts inside. She'd always liked to go into the kennels. These weren't the kennels.

"It's a secret procedure." Her mother had whispered, a grin on her painted lips as she poked the girl's nose. "Only the biggest, bravest of us get to know about it. It's the final step to becoming a Nameless."

She'd drew herself up. "I am no one and nothing. I hold no self and claim no name. I live to serve and will die without ever knowing what it is to be truly human." Those were the words they'd all been taught. She liked to speak them when she was scared.

Her mother had grinned. "That's right, darling. So do this for me, yes?"

She'd nodded. Her mother had stood, grin dropping in an instant. The Boss, as she was more commonly referred to as, faced the doctors and nodded briskly. One opened the door and guestured her inside. The girl had obliged.