Drowning (Kaz Brekker)

v - "Friendships"

ASRA HATED BEING HUMAN. She'd spent her whole life being told she wasn't, and most the time she actually believed it. She was told, constantly, she was no one and nothing. There was no name for what she was. She was an idea, a concept, an omen, a nightmare.

She was told she was less than human. But she'd always known that was wrong. She was so much more.

A God Complex. That's what the physiatrist called it. She'd seen one after losing a bet with one of her brothers. The doctor called it delusion. Asra called it confidence.

No normal creature, no mere human could go through what she had and live to tell the tale. She'd bled enough flood an empire, and yet there she stood. What could level a nation with nothing but its own pain beside the divine? What could she be other than Beyond?

Most the time, anyway. On a few rare occasions, those so-called delusions fell away and Asra was just a sixteen-year-old girl who'd been through hell, was desperate for a nap, and really worried about her friend.

Because she trusted Inej. Inej had scaled six stories of burning bricks for them. She'd made her life out of silence and secrecy on the rain-slicked rooftops of this wretched city. She'd trained for the highwire since she was a child. She was the Wraith.

And yet...

Nina threw up her hands. "And all this without a net, I suppose?"

Inej looked at Nina like she'd just insulted her mother. "A Ghafa does not perform with a net."

"Does a Ghafa frequently perform twenty stories above cobblestones?"

"There will be a net." Kaz said. "It's in place behind the silo guardhouse already, under a sack of sandbags."

Inej was shocked. "I don't need a net."

"You don't need a safety setting on a gun, but it's nice to know you're not gonna accidentally kill yourself." Asra said, hands on the table.

Kaz glanced at his watch. "We have six hours to sleep and heal up. I'll nab supplys from Cirkus Zirkoa, they're camped on the western outskirts of town. Inej, make a list of what you need. We hit the silos in twenty-four hours."

"Absolutely not." Nina said. "Asra needs to rest."

"I'm fine." Asra said. Then her knees went.

One week. Seven days. She hadn't slept or eaten in seven days. She braced herself for the stone against her knees, maybe her chin against the tabletop if she was unlucky. She was aware of everyone yelling and rushing towards her, but it seemed blurred somehow. She braced herself for the fall, till an arm wrapped itself around her waist and dropped her into the nearest chair.

Asra held up her hand before anyone else could touch her. She blinked a few times, shifting in the chair and looking at no one. "I just need a few hours sleep and proper meal and I'll be good to go. Maybe a strong coffee. I'll be fine. I am fine."

Jesper rolled his eyes. "Right, because collapsing without warning is fine."

"Isn't that how things are done around here?" Wylan said. "We all tell Kaz we're fine and then do something stupid?"

"Are we that predictable?" Inej asked.

"Yes." Wylan, Matthias, and Asra said in unison. They all frowned at her.

"Don't be a hypocrite." Jesper said.

"Who said I was critising?" Asra reached for a cup and the pot of coffee. It was lukewarm, but she was after caffeine more than anything.