Glass Houses

Chapter twenty one

Sirius walked the corridors alone, content in the slow tap of his shoes on the concrete and the swaying of his arms at his sides. He looked up, the hole the initiates had jumped through on their first day gaping high above his head, the net still and empty before him.

He grinned a bit, remembering his title of first jumper.

He'd still been wearing his Erudite clothes then, it felt like a lifetime ago.

It had been four days since he spoke to Andy, and in that time he had faced four different fears. He'd fallen off the Dauntless train into a pile of twisting, writhing factionless bodies, unable to claw himself out as they slowly consumed him. He'd sat in silence while Orion just stared at him, every second tearing his mind apart little by little until he screamed at his father to say something!

Sirius had stood on the edge of a cliff, looking down at the rocks below, wind whipping through his hair as voices whispered at him to jump. And possibly the worst, he'd watched as Regulus was shot in the chest, leaning over him with his hands covered in blood as he tried in vain to put his brother back together.

And in every single simulation, he had escaped by reminding himself that it wasn't real, and every single time he had emerged from his fears to see Moony shaking his head quietly.

Sirius breathed deeply, staring at the small sliver of clear daylight, trying to remember why he chose this life in the first place, trying to relive the rush of freedom and fear, exhilaration and passion. That was why he chose Dauntless, and that was what he was going to fight for.

Sirius sat with his head in his hands, breathing deep and slow. His fear had been the same as yesterday, watching Regulus bleed out in his arms. He heard Moony stop beside the chair and raised his head.

"I know it isn't real," he said, exhausted. "It's just seeing him like that..."

Blood weeping from Regulus' chest, staining Sirius' hands and shirt as he sobbed.

"You don't have to explain it," Moony said softly, "It'd be stranger if you didn't have some sort of a reaction."

Sirius sighed, "I miss him. That's all," he said. "You ever just...miss your family?"

Family was probably the wrong word to use. It conjured images of Walpurga and Orion glaring at him. He should've said brother.