I thought I didn't deserve to be loved. Growing up, my parents were never expressive about their emotions, and the absence of affection left a void within me. The idea of experiencing a romantic love with someone who was meant for me became a desire...
In six days, I'll be celebrating my 8th month together with my girlfriend, and coincidentally, my birthday falls on the same day. It's a double celebration, but the past two years haven't been kind to me. My birthday in 2021 was gloomy, marked by a harsh breakup with my ex, although, in reality, it was a one-sided love from my end. Last year, in 2022, October was no better, as financial issues cast a shadow on the day.
Back in school, birthdays were a different story. It was the only day when we got to feel like celebrities, wearing formals while everyone else donned their school uniforms. But this year, I'll be turning a year older and the weight of guilt is making it hard to get excited.
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Despite the apprehension and gloom, there's a silver lining. This year, I'm not alone. I have my girlfriend, who's planning to wish me at 12 am. The excitement in her voice is palpable, and it warms my heart. However, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness for potentially dampening her excitement.
But I still wish to make the most of my day, spending quality time with my lover, watching a romantic K-drama or something equally enchanting. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, and it's going to be our 8-month anniversary. Time has flown by so quickly. My birthday gift arrived eight months earlier when, on February 21st, God blessed me by bringing my girlfriend into my life.
Life hasn't always been easy for me, and I've faced numerous hardships.
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I may seem strong on the outside, but inside, I'm like a fragile child, craving love and care. This month is going to be particularly challenging as my girlfriend will be attending a college camp, and we'll be apart virtually. I'm anxiously attached in this relationship and I feel guilty about it, but I want to change for the better. It's a tough journey, but I refuse to give up. My girlfriend is patient and kind, always reassuring me when I feel lonely. She's my rock, and I'm determined to make our love even stronger.
She is my greatest gift, and together, as my birthday approaches, we'll navigate the challenges of life, love, and birthdays. I'm determined to find happiness in the love I have and to overcome the shadows of the past.
