It's In Your Eyes

Friendship

Jo's POV -

I can't see Dean, and he never misses breakfast. I asked Cas if he knew anything when he came down, but he just seemed a little off as well, muttering a "not sure..." and sliding into the seat down the table from me. Watching him for a moment, he stares at a cup of orange and stays a constant shade a warm pink. Its Saturday. We have assembly in half an hour, then we're free most of the day. Maybe he wasn't hungry and nabbed us a table in the common room...

Something about that hope doesn't sit right for me. Dean's never not hungry.

I'm pulled from my own thoughts sharply when there's a ripple across the table and the loud noise of a chair being pushed out. I look up and watch Cas walk quickly out of the hall again, Charlie still sitting stunned with her hand in midair where his shoulder would have been a moment ago. She looks around, confusion streaking her face, worry in her eyes.

Her gaze falls on me and it softens slightly, before she drops her head down shyly, pushing her plate away.

What the hell is up with people this morning?

Cas's POV -

I barely make it in the common room before I break down. All that fills my head is a face I can't see and it doesn't make sense. This guilt, pain, confusion that just fell upon me, I don't understand, why now? Not last night, or first thing this morning, or even as I kissed Dean. Not until now do I feel like this, like I've betrayed a fundamental, essential part of myself. Because that's what he was, and I've let him down. The boy who brought me truth, I let him down by forgetting him, even just for a moment. Because I had no right to forget. None. He made me then left me, I should never forget him. And his faceless face is just staring me down inside my head.

Why can't I see his lips, remember his eyes, picture his smile or even that shattering heartbroken look he'd given me once... Why can't I see him?

It's ugly weeping and I have to almost double over to keep them quiet. I didn't think to look round when I got there, and I'm practically in a ball on my knees when I here movement in front of me.

Not a word.

I can't look up, can't see who it is, and they don't say a single word.
But Dean's arms wrap around me as be kneels beside me and pulls me against him. I go to pull away, isn't this the reason I can't breath and everything is spinning like a fucking top? But I just can't make myself move any father away from that leathery honey scent than I can smell. I want to be closer.

He holds me warmly, let's me pull him down a little more, fistfuls of his soft T-shirt when I cling onto his shoulders and bury my head against his neck, I just don't question it.

It doesn't feel like much more that friendship right now, just kind, caring. And it doesn't need to be anything more...

Because if it is...

Cas's memory -

"Hey." I answer the boy next to me with a shy twitch of my head and he laughs at me. But it doesn't feel cruel or mocking. "Don't you talk?" He's closer than I would care for. Not that it doesn't feel amazing and he smells like strawberries and cream. It's just I like my space. I need my space. I feel faint without my space.

I swear that's the reason I feel faint.

I glace up into his face, a bold move for me, and shrug. I can't help but state into his eyes... I think. His clear eyes the colour of...

"Come one, give me a vowel or something at least." He waits, I tilt my head to the side confused, he laughs again. "You're adorable."

"Oh." What do I do with something like that?