The First to Fall ⚢

𝐟𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 • 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐚

I don't expect it to be that difficult to fall asleep the night before you go out on a date with someone, but when you've almost just kissed the one person in the entire world that you've always resented, your mind tends to keep you up, I've noticed.

I didn't even mean for it to get that far. All I wanted was some help on how to respond to Sasha whenever she would say something bold to me since I'm so used to just freezing up. But then Aspen's touch felt so tender and soft, even after all we've been through, and I couldn't take myself out of the moment for even a second.

I get ready for my classes in a daze, completely overtaken by the fact that I almost kissed Aspen Greenwood, and even more torn up over the idea that I might've even enjoyed it if I had. I've never gotten the appeal of acting or why someone would ever want to put themselves out there like that, but after acting out a scene like that with Aspen, part of me understands a bit better. Who doesn't like the idea of someone being into them? Even if just for a few fake minutes.

I walk to my first class with my giant headphones on since my AirPods are charging at the dorm, and I try my best to get through the day without thinking of Aspen. It mostly works until I get back to our room hours later to start getting ready for my date with Sasha, and she's sitting on her bed doing homework.

"Oh, hey," I say, although I wish I wouldn't have. All it does is make Aspen look up at me in awkward confusion. I don't know if she's thinking the same thing I'm thinking, but I hope she's not.

"Hey," she says quickly, getting back to her homework.

I take the hint and start rummaging through my dresser, raking through piles of clothes that just don't seem right. It takes me a while but I finally end up finding my favorite autumn top—a light blue, long-sleeved ribbed top with a square neckline. It's not exactly fall weather yet, not until it feels cold enough to wear long sleeves, but since it'll be nighttime during our date, I think it'll be cool enough that I won't be miserable wearing it. I pair it with some simple straight-leg jeans and a classic pair of chunky white sneakers and when I look in the mirror, I realize this is the trendiest outfit I think I've ever worn, which now, I realize, makes the bar sound outstandingly low.

I scour my desk drawer to find the dainty silver necklace that I always wear for special occasions. There's nothing particularly special about it, though; it's just a silver chain and a tiny, silver 'C' attached to it, but my parents spent hundreds of dollars on it for my seventeenth birthday so I feel obligated to wear it every now and then.

I head to the bathroom to focus on my hair and makeup, where I completely blank on what I should do. My hair is a given—I'm just going to curl it so that it has some definition. My makeup, however, is giving me a headache to figure out. Should I go more cutesy or more sexy? Does it matter?

I scroll Pinterest on my phone for a few minutes until I get frustrated and just decide to do my everyday makeup with a twist. I add mascara and concealer and lipgloss as usual, but this time I draw subtle, smoky brown wings onto my eyes as a sort of eyeliner. It gives them more of a pop and makes me look a bit more mature and by the time I finish getting ready, I feel the prettiest I've felt in a long time.