Hayes (A Carolina Cyclones Story)

42.

Hayes

I'm panicking. 

Honestly it feels like that's about all I do these days. Panic and coward away from tough situations. 

I know I'm royally fucking up right now, the three unanswered texts from Maggie are a good indicator of that, but I can't help it. The sight of her with Jax bothered me, and my insecurities are out in full force. Even though we won tonight, when I realized she wasn't in the stands after the victory my heart sank. The message saying she had gone to help Rachel cover the bar had only slightly alleviated my worries and by the time I emerged from the locker room my confidence was smashed and I found myself once again retreating away from my teammates, Maggie, and the bar. Instead, I retreated to my home, traded in my pregame suit for a pair of sweatpants and a night with the boys for a night spent scrolling through the comments on the team's social media page while I wait for Maggie to tell me she's on her way.  

Line after line I read. 

The team looks sloppy. 

Have they just given up on the season?

Sure they got lucky tonight, but it was evident again that Hansen is not captain material. We need someone to get this team in gear, to lead them to the cup and he just is not it.

That last one guts me. 

It's everything I've known, but seeing it written out like that is a slap in the face. It makes me think back to training with my dad and how he'd always harp on all of my inadequacies. The shit he drilled into me as a kid has definitely fucked me up as an adult. 

I lose track of time, allowing myself to be pulled further and further down the rabbit hole of people who hate me and wish I wasn't captain of the Cyclones. My favorite comments are those who mention that even Jax's pathetic ass would make a better captain than me. 

Surely they can't be serious, right? Right? He's a sneeze away from being kicked off the team and they think he shows better leadership capabilities?

God today has been a train wreck. 

I huff out a sigh and throw myself back against the cushions of my couch, wishing like hell Maggie would just hurry up and open the door. 

Being distant from her today was a dumbass move. Now I want nothing more than to hold her against my chest and have things feel normal. Instead, I'm alone in the silence of my house with my text asking when she's coming over sitting unanswered for half an hour now. 

With each passing moment that she doesn't respond I feel my anxiety grow. I hope my need for a little space today hasn't fucked things up. After only a few more minutes my phone lights up, Maggie's name on my screen. 

I guess I'll have my answer.

Maggie: I'm not sure it's the best idea. Things feel weird today since this morning. I think it might be best for me to go home to my apartment. 

I don't even give it a minute before I've got my phone to my ear, heart drumming in my chest and trying to think of what my plan will be if she doesn't answer my call.

"Hayes—"

"I'm so fucking sorry." I spit out, interrupting her but unable to wait even a moment before trying to clear this up. 

"Hi, to you too." 

"Hi." Blowing out a breath I try to quickly gather my thoughts. "Look, I admit I pulled away today. I own that. And I'm sorry I just iced you out, you didn't deserve that. Jax...he's just—he's messing with my head now and I don't really know how to handle it or deal. But that's not your problem and I shouldn't have made you pay the price for it."

"It's really okay, Hayes. Sometimes we all just need space. I can respect that."

"I don't need space though." I respond quickly. "I've had a really shitty day—"

"Well, I mean you guys got the win."

"We got insanely fucking lucky. Despite that, today's been ass and now all I want is you. Here. Where you belong. Please come, Mags."

If the team could hear the pathetic whine in my voice as I practically begged her to come over they'd probably never let me hear the end of it. They'd also probably rip the "C" from my chest. Hell, their own fans seemed to want to do that anyways. 

"Let me make sure Rachel doesn't need anything else and then I'll head that way." 

Instant relief. Thank God. 

*

Adrenaline moves through my veins faster than a center on a breakaway. I pace back and forth through my living room, desperate to see Maggie's headlights spill across my front yard. When they finally do I have to fight the urge to run out to greet her. 

Instead I compromise with myself, rushing to open the door and then standing in the frame, leaning against the side as makes her way to the porch. The glow of the full moon shining down and casting enough of a glow to reveal the concerned expression splashed across her face. 

She walks slowly up the front porch steps and then stands in front of me. Her eyes search my face, like she's hoping to find an answer to some silent question. The silent standoff lasts a few moments and then finally she parts her perfectly pink lips and turns her brown eyed gaze to me. "Are we okay?"

A growl rumbles from deep in my chest as I step forward, closing the space between us. My hands grab roughly for her hips, hauling her up against me as I crash our lips together with such force that their can't be any question left of how desperate I am for her. 

She moans against me, her mouth parting just enough to let my tongue slip inside to deepen the kiss. It's a wild, hot, soul-changing kiss and within seconds my cock is straining against my sweatpants. 

I tighten my grip on her waist and force myself to pull away for a moment, resting our foreheads together. "Fuck, this isn't how I wanted to do this." I mutter. 

Her eyes flicker over my face in confusion. 

"Maggie, Magnolia, I love you." I say simply. "I love you in a way that I can't even figure out how to adequately put into words but that makes me want to tear anyone who even looks at you limb from limb. So this morning with..." I trail off not even wanting to hear the fuckers name right now. "I didn't handle it very well but, fuck Maggie, I've never done this before and I'm shitting the bed here I know it, but I love you. I'm fucking terrified, I've always been careful to never let myself get this deep but with you it's like I didn't have a choice. I'm sorry this isn't the most romantic way to do this." I release one of my hands grip on her and tug at the hair at the base of my neck.

"You love me?" She says it as a question, her voice full of wonder as she looks up at me with those big eyes. 

"How could I not?" I say, fighting back the emotion in my voice.

She leans forward, her lips placing soft kisses against my lips. "I love you too."