Farewell letter// 7 reasons to go

To the person who I went with through everything ~Yoongi

Dear Yoongi,

I feel like I didn't even know you properly, because of how unforeseeable our end was.

We met when my mother sent me to a clinic for mental health and addiction in adolescence. Or actually she took me to the emergency room after I had injured myself very badly after a seizure.
After a night in the emergency room, the therapists wanted me to stay in the clinic until I feel better.

There I got to know you, because we shared a room.
You were there because you had a drug addiction and I remember exactly how we told each other everything about our lives in this room.

I told everything to you and you told me everything about you too.
The reason why you started with drugs and alcohol touched me deeply.
Because the reason was that your girlfriend had taken her own life. You also had deep sympathy for me and wanted to protect me from above all, even if we don't even go to the same school.

When I think about it now, I think it was just another empty promise like everyone else in my life.

You had a deep hatred for everyone in my life and always told me that they didn't deserve me and wanted to make me go to your school. That's what I actually planned, because for me it was a solution to my problems and a hope for a better and more carefree life.

But it never got that far, Yoongi.
After just two weeks in the clinic, where you were always by my side and we could talk about everything, l was finally released. The Thrapeuts had gained confidence in me that I would not try to take my life at that time.

You, on the other hand, had to stay another week and I came to the clinic every evening when you had an exit and talked to you. Because in the meantime you were the only one who was still there for me and Jungkook slowly lost interest in me and began to ignore me.

After a week you were finally released and we had both promised each other that I would not do anything to myself and that you would not take drugs or alcohol. I have to say that it was really hard for me, because the bullying got worse almost every day and I didn't have anyone at school anymore.

But I went through it, because we wanted to get well together. It was actually just a stupid idea of two sick people who think they could get well.

I quickly realized that you were distracted again, as if you were hiding something from me and at some point you didn't write me back for some days and were very busy. I thought it was nothing serious and I was sure that you had remained true to yourself and so I decided to check things myself and visited your place.

Already in front of the door the unpleasant smell of the stuff got into my nose and angry I entered your apartment. You probably don't even remember the evening but you were very high and after I asked you why you would do that, we started arguing, even though I knew you weren't in the right state for it.
But I was too angry that I had held back all the time and you probably hadn't even tried it.

I was angry and you were high and even became aggressive at some point.
I don't want to go into it very much, because maybe it's better if you don't remember, but after you hurt me I ran out of your apartment crying and from there it was over with us.

Yoongi I'm sorry of how our story had to turn out, especially because I didn't want you to lose anyone else after your girlfriend.

But I just can't do it anymore, no matter how hard I try.
Maybe my story will end, but you can still achieve so much in your life.
So if I could tell you one more thing, it would be what I had told you so many times before:
It's never too late to stop and even if it's hard at first, it's the best for you.

Forget me, but not what I thaught you,
Minseo