Farewell letter// 7 reasons to go

To my lover ~Jungkook

Dear Jungkook,

I want you to know that I loved you, until my last breath.
You were my world, my reason to stay alive and my first love.
I know you will forget me soon but please never forget, that I'll always be with you.

The first time I saw you was when the school year began, because Taehyung introduced us to each other.
Honestly I immediately fell in love with you.
You transferred at our school and so you were the new boy, everyone was looking at.

I thought you were way too beautiful and charming at the same time and that's why I was even happier when you started to hang out a lot with me and Tae.

You weren't only beautiful but extremely nice too and so I started to join your meeting with Tae after school.

I started to really like you and develop feelings for you and I thought you did the same.
Right now, I wonder if your feelings for me were ever real. Did you just play it to me all the time to make fun of me in the end or did you love me.
I don't know to this day.

I say this because in the following time we had only started to meet alone.
You flirted with me after some time and of course I also flirted with you. I was so sure you would finally confess your love to me in a romantic way at some point.
At least as romantic as all our dates were.
Or were they just a game for you?

Whether we were in the cinema, at a market or just did something at home, as long as I was with you, I was happy and everything was good.
I remember exactly the first kiss we had. It was after we had been together in the city and when I wanted to kiss your cheek as a goodbye, you turned your head and our lips met.

Even if it was only a few seconds, these were probably the happiest and at the same time most overwhelming in my life. I immediately blushed and immediately disappeared from there, but not because I was embarrassed, because it really meant a lot to me, please know that.

Everything was so perfect at that time and of course it was destroyed. Because a few weeks later, the thing started with Jin.
I was afraid at first you, like Hoseok and Namjoon, would believe the rumors and start to hate me too, but you stayed with me and said it would pass, every day.

So you were also the first to notice that I was not feeling well and that I had hurt myself. You started crying and pulled me into a hug while you said sweet things, like you're with me and we can do it.
I had the feeling that I didn't have to hurt myself anymore and that there was no reason, your words were so uphering.

I have never been so grateful for someone as I was for you.
From then on, you were by my side and met with me almost every day to distract me. But time passed and more and more relationships in my life fell apart. With the ways we didn't start doing much together at school anymore, while our meetings remained the same in our free time.

I didn't like it at first because my bullies now had more time to bully me, but at the same time I just didn't want to drag you into my problems and prevent them from messing you up too when they saw us together.

After I more or less lost my best friend, there was only you left. The day after I showed up at Taehyung's door and he laughed at me, it wasn't it easy for me to go to school.
When we met at our usual meeting place a little away from the school, you hugged me and said you were sorry.

He told you, right? It was only at that moment that I realized that we now only met alone and in places where no one could see us.
Was it really embarrassing for you to be seen with me, of course I didn't want to endanger you, but wasn't that going too far?

Because now I was being bullied in the middle of the school hallway where you could see it. where everyone could see it. But while Hoseok and Namjoon kicked me in the stomach and Jin watched them laughing, you just walked past me with my brother, my best friend and their girlfriends.

Had I become so unimportant to you?
But it couldn't be, I mean we saw each other after school. How naive I was.

One day when I was going to class, I heard you and Taehyung talking about me. My ex best friend was making fun of how my own food had been dumped over my head the day before and even though I was sure you were going to defend me from him, you actually started laughing along and making fun of me.

I immediately left the school grounds crying and hid in the park, still crying. If you ever wondered why I wasn't there, this is why.
By now I've had so many days off because I was mentally broken or had been beaten so badly the day before that every movement hurt that you probably didn't even notice. This time it wasn't any of you who started to move away, it was me.

My heart became heavy as lead when I met you and looked into your eyes and all I could think about were those painful words, so I could no longer enjoy your presence.
Even though I never mentioned it to you, everything I did had become torture and my will to live had already vanished.

And then finally the day came that broke me the most and totally ruined me.
When I entered the school in the morning, I noticed how all eyes were on me and I quickly found out that Taehyung had told the whole school about my feelings about you and how l used to tell him love stories about you every day.

Then I saw you.

You were standing, leaning against a wall in the school hallway with Taehyung, Jimin and other boys and when you saw me Jimin started whispering things in your ear and pushing you in the side as if he wanted you to go to me.
You also did and as we stood opposite each other in the school hallway, with everyone staring at us, I noticed how much you had changed.

Your eyes no longer had the loving look they once had.
Instead, they looked down at me coldly, as if you despised me.
What happened to you?
I didn't know you.

Finally you asked me if I love you.
I know we never said it, but wasn't it obvious? After I stuttered and answered your question with yes, the hallway became loud and you started laughing with the others.

I was told things like you never liked me and you couldn't be with a loser like me.
My vision blurred and your words sounded so surreal. Was that what you had felt the whole time? Because no matter how many times I think about it, I can't believe it.

Weren't you the person who had kissed me multiple times?

Days later you tried to reach me and showed up at my front door several times.

I never opened it.

What would you have finally told me?
That it wasn't meant serious and you were sorry? However, it was too late. I just lay around in my room and haven't gone to school to this day.

Because today is the day when you will reach your goal.
I love you Jungkook and that since our first meeting.

I've thought about it and I don't think you're a bad person or that our love was fake. You were just too
impressionable and the right person for me and my heart, but at the wrong time.

I love you and hope you can accept my love even if I'm dead now.

Minseo