Farewell letter// 7 reasons to go

To my brother ~Jimin

Jimin, your change hit me a lot.

Since I can think you have been there and since then I have loved you. In contrast to some other siblings, we had always understood each other perfectly.

We just had each other. You have always been the loving, caring and protective brother I had always wanted.

You were always proud of me and when our parents
weren't there for us, you took over my upbringing.

It was like you were my mom and dad in once. Not exactly like that but when they weren't there for me you were and you did all the things, our parents should have done.

I remember you comforting me when I was sad, you buying me pain releaser or chocolate when I was on my period again. You gave me help whenever I needed it and always had the right words and advices.

You were perfect. The probably most innocent and lovable soul I've ever known. On my phone I saved your number with the words ,my everything', cause it was the truth you were everything for me.

But then a year ago you met your new friends. At first I didn't hear much from them, but I realized the effect they had on you. It wasn't a good one, Jimin.

You had mood swings and yelled at me for the first time in my life during this time. I was incredibly overwhelmed, but you apologized to me later and so I thought it was insignificant.

I didn't know that this would happen every day. I was often yelled at at little things and so I was no longer safe at home.
I felt like everything I did was wrong and when I made a mistake, I would blame me, thinking you would slap me.
When our parents weren't there again, I had to do everything alone while you were out with your new friends.

Jimin, you also started drinking alcohol and smoking because of your friends. Even though you said, you would never do something like that.

When you were at home with your friends, I often had to stay in the room for hours because I was afraid of them.

And then one day I was late. I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was too late to escape into my room and so one of your drunk friends started touching me and talking to me disgustingly.

I actually thought you would protect me anyway, but you disappointed me. I saw that you weren't drunk, Jimin and yet you were too good to defend me and so I was raped by one of your friends that night.

Bleeding, disturbed and only half conscious, I was then left in my room as if I were a piece of dirt.

And at that time I wanted to kill myself so much. The next day I made one of many attempts by taking an overdose of some tablets.

Unfortunately, it didn't killed me and so I just got unconscious and then lay in bed for a week with fever, hallucinations and a thousand other symptoms.

And while mom was sure I had gotten an infection, you didn't even seemed to care.

Days after, the whole school believed that I seduced on of your friends, because of how much of a slut I was.
I don't think that rumor came from you, but of the guy himself. But why didn't you stop him, told him that he's going too far.

When I was also bullied, you were never far away. Always a few meters away from the action with your friends and an absolutely emotionless face, while one of your thousands girlfriends told you the bad, new things I had done.

Did you really rather believe them than me. You never even asked me about my side of the story.

Didn't you say you never want to be like that. You broke my heart Jimin, but I'll still love you, even if I'm dead now.
I wish I would've saved you but I couldn't. I was already too broken to even think clearly.

Minseo