Yours Truly

19. Aching Hearts

Rowan had convinced himself that what happened had been for the best for the rest of the weekend. He put immense effort into trying to forget about Sera and all her smiles. The problem was that he knew he would act like a boy-obsessed the minute he saw her again on Monday, and he would end up going back into the same loop all over again. That is if she decided that she still wanted to continue the internship.

He went through a stage of denial the first day he came back home. Thinking it was for the better and that a girl like Sera deserved way more than what Rowan had to offer. He was 29, with a full-time job, he had suppressed trauma that he'd been avoiding dealing with for more than ten years now, he was quiet, reserved, distant, and extremely possessive. He probably needed to get to a therapist but was too fucking scared to. He had trouble expressing his emotions or forming them into words, he had been suppressing so much from a young age that it had turned into an awful habit by now, one that affected his relationships on the daily.

Sera didn't need that. She deserves someone normal, young, and full of life. When he saw that she was dealing with her own problems that day, he knew that he couldn't be an additional problem on the side too. She needed a man who could support her, be there for her, and show his love for her openly, express his love in a healthy and normal way. She deserves so much more than what he could offer. And he couldn't lead her own further when this information had made itself so fucking clear.

He preferred to hurt her now while they were still in the beginning than get her attached and then break her heart later.

Jamie had been furious when Rowan didn't answer his calls at all in the past two days. He showed up at his apartment in the middle of the night, worried about him. Rowan refused to tell him anything but Jamie was able to figure it out it had something to do with Sera on his own. Rowan felt pathetic, hurting the girl and then crying and wallowing about it. Jamie had tried to convince him that what he was doing was ridiculous, that he can't keep pushing people away just because he was scared he was going to hurt them, and that if he did, he might just end up alone forever.

Jamie knew that that was what Rowan thought he deserved, he thought he was a bad person and that he didn't deserve anything good in his life. But he didn't know how to convince him of the opposite, his mind was a stone-cold object and he was so fucking stubborn. He hoped that Sera would find it in herself to forgive him once he realized his stupid mistake.

But by looking at Rowan's state, Jamie knew it was going to be a while until he fully grasped how deep the hole he had dug himself in was.

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It was a bit pathetic, Sera thought after she checked her phone for the millionth time today, but she had this dull yet deep hope that Rowan might text her. She felt it right as she got out of that car. She wanted him to follow her, tell her not to go, text, call, anything. But Rowan did nothing.

She was disappointed, a little more than that, hurt maybe. But there was nothing she could do right now. As Sunday rolled around, she started feeling a little anxious, not knowing how she should act when she went to the office tomorrow. A part of her wanted to just avoid the entire thing, call to tell them she's sick and can't come today, but she knew she was being ridiculous.

She wouldn't allow him to do that to her. She was going to wear her best outfit, feel good about herself, and walk in there with confidence. Or at least fake the confidence because she wasn't really feeling the most confident right at this point in her life.

Sera had let one man hurt and scar her before, he ruined everything for her, even her relationship with her family. She had promised herself that she would not let another man do the same. She will not let another man ever make her feel the same way again.

Rowan was nothing compared to that useless excuse of a man, and Sera knew that. Rowan was kind, gentle, and respectful. He made her feel warm and safe. She initiated things between them and tried so hard to get closer to him because she knew he was different. Comparison between them didn't make any sense, and was unfair to Rowan. She knew that.

And yet, she couldn't help but think how every time she was crying, every single time she had felt this hurt and this let down before, it was either by or over a man. Whether it be someone from her own blood or someone who wasn't even related to her, it always had to be a man.

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How do u guys imagine Rowan?