Yours Truly

23. Heaven

Sera cried for what felt like hours. Her low sobs filled the silence between them as they sat together in the semi-dark apartment. They sat next to each other but their minds were so far away from each other, each in their own world. Rowan hadn't said anything and he hadn't tried touching her after she flinched away from him either. She felt grateful that he gave her her own space, but the silence frightened her after a while. She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, especially with the look on his face. 

After her sobs turned to sniffles and she had calmed down, Rowan finally looked at her. When his eyes met hers, she felt like she wanted to disappear. The moment was too real and too intense for her to bear. Rowan blinked. Once. Twice.

"Can I touch you?" His voice was raspy and much deeper than usual, breaking the tense atmosphere around them.

Sera simply nodded as her eyes got glossy yet again, and the minute she did, strong and firm arms enveloped her shoulders. She felt him breathe in her scent as her arms held him back tightly, her face buried in his neck. His heavenly scent was engulfing her all around and with his arms around her, she felt safe and protected for the first time in forever. Heaven. It felt like heaven each time she was in his arms, but she was scared of getting used to it because she knew it was temporary. Everything about Rowan was temporary.

His hand cradled her head gently while his other rubbed her back in soft and tender movements. Sera was crying again, her whole being shaking from head to toe. She could feel Rowan's hands begin to slightly tremble around her as well so she leaned away to look into his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed in thought and his eyes held an unfamiliar intensity she had never felt before. He held eye contact with her for a minute before grabbing her waist and moving her to straddle his lap as he leaned his back on the couch so she could snuggle into him better. Sera's cheeks turned a bright red and a shiver went down her spine so she hid her face in his chest while her hands gripped him tightly. As usual, Rowan missed nothing of her reactions. 

"You did nothing wrong, Sera. Absolutely nothing." He grumbled in a low voice in her hair. "He's a disgusting fucking pig." 

How she longed to hear those words from someone. To hear that she had nothing to influence his choices, that it wasn't something she said or something she wore, that it was because he was a twisted and sick fuck. All her father did was blame her nonstop until she felt like she was in a losing battle. She spent so much time trying to convince them all that it wasn't her fault until her throat went dry and her voice was gone. She felt silenced, suppressed, suffocated. To hear those words after such a long time, even though she didn't even try to defend herself, she didn't feel the need to, it was like a long-awaited medicine to heal all her rotten wounds. It was her hope after losing all faith. 

"I know, I know." It was all she could tell him right now, her tears hadn't stopped flowing and she was nodding her head vigorously. 

"I'll get your revenge, baby." He said, even though his voice was a low grumble in the quiet apartment, his tone was stern and hard. His lips stamped the promise gently on her forehead in a delicate kiss. "I'll get it." 

"No." It was a low sob muffled by his chest. She untangled herself from his embrace so she could look at him. 

Sera sniffled as she looked at him, their proximity causing butterflies to dance around in her stomach and her breath to catch in her throat. His dark eyes burned her skin, following her every movement. When her hands moved from his chest to lay on his abdomen, she noticed that they were trembling but for a completely different reason from before. Her words were lost.

Rowan grabbed her hands tightly and squeezed them in his hold. He tried to lower his head so he could get a glimpse of her expression but he couldn't. Her head was lowered and her eyes were fixed on his stomach in thought. 

"Look at me, baby." He urged, his thumb caressing her hand encouragingly. "Talk to me, what is it?" 

When she still couldn't, Rowan brought one of his hands to cup the side of her neck, his thumb under her jaw as he slowly forced her to meet his gaze. One hand on her neck and the other still holding her hand, Sera felt she was about to combust. 

He looked ethereal under the low light of her apartment and leaned back on her couch. His eyes were a language of their own, they spoke in different dialects, and each glance could be interpreted in ten different ways. She could study them for hours. 

"I don't want anything." She finally said. "I just want this dinner to go smoothly and with no problems. I know that might seem impossible with dad's passive aggressiveness, but I don't want to do anything that might initiate a fight. I'm just tired." Her low tired voice and puffy face made him want to hug her cute little head in his chest and never let her go. 

"Okay, Okay baby, if that's what you want." He assured her. 

Unable to hold the urge any longer, Rowan moved his hand from the side of her neck to the back and brought her closer to him again. His arms going around her. 

He kept drawing shapes on her back with the tips of his fingers until he felt her hold on him loosen and her breathing change. When he thought she was asleep, he adjusted his position carefully under her to get more comfortable but her voice stopped him.

"Don't go." Rowan stilled at her pleading whisper, "Please Rowan, don't go." Her hands tightened around his torso again and she squeezed. He felt as if she was squeezing his heart instead. 

"I'm not going anywhere, pretty girl. I'm here, I promise." He whispered back reassuringly, he kissed her forehead again and Sera sighed in contentment. A slow smile appeared on his face before he had the chance to fight it.