Allora Affetto

S E V E N

𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺.

♥️

C H A P T E R S E V E N

D A Y S E V E N

The relentless ticking of the mental timer within my head was a constant, nagging presence. It felt as though a heavy hammer struck at my thoughts, a continuous reminder that the seventh day had already arrived.

With each passing moment, the reality sunk in deeper that these ten precious days, which had felt like an eternity, would inevitably come to an end.  That Zack will eventually leave me, all alone.

Alone, all by myself with memories, nightmares and regrets.

But I would continue to live on, with his memories in my heart keeping me alive.

Restlessly, I shifted in bed and turned to face Zack, who was peacefully asleep beside me. Strands of his hair gently covered his forehead, and his lips were slightly parted. I gazed at him with a mixture of affection and protectiveness, my baby.

Being near him provided me with a sense of comfort, a shelter from the turmoil that had invaded my thoughts. It was like a protective shield for my troubled thoughts, guarding me in the present. But as much as his presence helped me sleep and eased my anxiety, it couldn't erase the traumatic memories that lingered in the recesses of my mind.

He's here now to protect me but he wasn't there when I screamed and cried months ago. Everyone thought everything was fine but it wasn't, I was dying.

Everything I was dying little by little.

Zack had been so engrossed in his work life back then, and I understood. I really did. I didn't hold it against him until he didn't understand.

Why did he not see through me when I needed him too?

Logically I knew it wasn't his fault, he's not a mind reader how could he have known? And if he ever does come to know the truth it would kill him to know that he didn't read through me.

I guess this is why they say marriage is work.

It's the effort you put in everyday that counts.

At the end of the day, I knew it was no one's fault. Least of all Zack's. The only thing that hurts me is that he now wants to dig into my secrets but wasn't able to see and make time for me when I wanted to tell and needed him.

He was busy with work and rightfully so, but the last few months before things went downhill his work had been overshadowing our relationship quite a bit.

It doesn't matter now, does it?

It all gone now, up for a toss.

The end of our story.

My soul seems to be sticking together clinging on to the memories of the man I love, it's keeping itself together thinking about my babies who are in a better place right now. A place I don't deserve to be in.

I always read about how moms love for their child is unconditional, how that's a bond unlike any other and as a mother, I failed.

I failed my babies, I failed.

I failed in protecting the man I love, I failed at protecting my babies, I have completely failed at life and there's no excuse. There's no excuse as to why a mother would take her kids life, none.