Vegas: Devil's Rose #9

Chapter 16: June Emerson

Bruce, as he drops me off back at my apartment, has no problem letting me have more time to myself. He understands more than anyone that after such large leaps in my personal journey today I need to digest it all alone with a glass of wine, ice cream, maybe some potato chips, and a few episodes of Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares.

But, what he doesn't know (or does but decided not to acknowledge it out loud) is that tonight is the night I'm breaking up with Westin. It sounds so fucking dramatic, which I hate. I will admit that it's a big change for both of us.

After being in a somewhat stable relationship for a long time, it feels like a big deal. Especially because I never thought I would. Life took me in a different direction than I thought it would. I'm not scared though.

I couldn't be more excited in all honesty. It's also not like Westin and I have been getting along great anyway. The drift in our relationship has been happening for a while now, so I'm not surprised that we've gotten to this point.

Not being with him anymore feels right.

After taking a nice hot shower and changing into my pajamas (sweats and an oversized T-shirt), I gather my necessary items for a good night, wine and all, before sitting on the couch with my phone in hand. My thumb hovers over the call button under Westin's name on my phone screen.

Weirdly, this is happening because he used to be my everything. He was my future. I thought he was the man I was going to marry. And yet, here I am. The phone is ringing as I call him to break up with him. None of this is what I expected.

"June, hi," he answers, his voice low.

"Hi. Do you have a second to chat?"

"Yeah, sure," his tone hardens, "I'm on my shift break at the hospital, so I have a few minutes."

"These past few days of my life have been life-changing. I'm a completely different person than I was a week ago. And I don't feel like we fit together anymore. Look, I'm going to be as honest with you as I can. Rex, your best friend, tried to sexually assault me.

"There's no easy way to tell you that. I thought you would be the first person I would call to get me out of that situation, but instead, I called Bruce. I think that's when I realized that we've drifted apart-"

"June, stop. I know where this is going okay? I'm sorry Rex did that to you, and I haven't been in contact with the guy for a few days anyway, so it's not like we're that close anymore-"

I can't tell him that I know what happened to Rex. He would freak out. Also, the Devil's Rose MC members would probably get pissed at me for saying anything at all. Even about my recent affiliation with them. Not because they're embarrassed but because they want to keep everyone safe.

"-but you don't need to say anything more," he continues, "you've always been in love with Bruce. I've tried to stop myself from getting jealous or focusing too much on it. I thought eventually you would get over it and be happy with me. But I should have known this was coming."

He's fucking livid. I can tell.

"Then, we know that this is a step in the right direction. We know that this wasn't going to work in the long run, and it's good that we can move on and find the people we deserve. People who want the same things as we do."

"I hear you, I do. I'm still upset though."

"Me too, Westin."

"Don't be a fucking liar," he huffs.

"We were together for six years, we lost something that was once important to us, I'm not lying. Just because I know something isn't right for me doesn't mean this isn't hard."

Neither of us say anything for the longest ten seconds of my life.

"I hope you find everything you're looking for, June."

"You too, Westin. I wish you all the happiness in the world. And I do mean it."

He chuckles, saying bye, and then hangs up the phone.

That wasn't as torturous as I thought it was going to be. He has every right to be a little upset, especially because we hadn't talked out our feelings. It just didn't feel like that was going to solve the problem. It was more than a brief feeling of maybe that our relationship isn't more me anymore.

I had been feeling it for some time now and could only just admit it to myself. But that's over now. I can focus on my relationship with Bruce and not feel guilty about it. The way I feel for him is the most certain thing in my life. I have fallen in love with him.

There's no way to describe the way I feel for him. There are no words to explain just how much he means to me. People have tried over the centuries to put the love they feel into words, and yet, when the love I feel for him, it just can't be written into words.

He has been with me through thick and thin. He is there for me, supports me, and challenges me to grow. I'm a better person when I'm around him. Beyond that, I feel so connected to him. It's like we've been put on this planet to know each other.

That sounds odd, and I think it is, but everything is right when I'm with him. He just knows me, and he takes time to know me. He doesn't shy away from hard conversations, and he can make me laugh when things feel too difficult.

He's a protector, not a possessor. He gets me. He makes me feel safe and comfortable and loved and worthy. I don't know how else to explain it.

I'm sort of pissed that I wasted all my time not being with him. I should have known that he was my person so fucking long ago. It took me twenty fucking years, and he was ready for me this whole ass time. It's too late now, I have to remind myself of that, but I'm such a goddamn idiot for such a smart person.

As the sun dips below the horizon, I stand outside on my apartment porch and watch as the sky turns a burning orange. I take a sip of my cheap white wine - like boxed white wine - and let myself enjoy the quiet moment.

I feel so fucking good right now. I don't want to be anywhere but here. I feel like nothing can touch me. Not even any nervousness about meeting the Devil's Rose MC members tomorrow night. He kind of sprung that on me today, but I'm not mad about it or anything.

He doesn't think that it's a huge deal, and it probably isn't since I've enjoyed meeting the members that I have so far, but I want to make a good impression on everyone else.

These people mean a lot to him, and they are important to him, meaning they are important to me. I don't want to mess this up because he cares about their opinion.

Oh fucking lord. I have to be more confident in myself. I'm a great person. I'm smart, pretty, and able to hold conversations with just about everybody. I speak six different languages and have a Ph.D. And I'm not about the doubt Bruce's judge of character.

I'm fucking amazing. They are going to love me. I will not doubt myself any longer.

A cold wind whips through my hair, indicating that it's time for me to curl up under the blankets on my couch and relax into the morning. Any other complicated life things can wait until tomorrow. They will still be there, and I can deal with them then.

For tonight though, I deserve to not have to worry about fucking anything. It's time to take a break from life. I should stop thinking so much because I end up overthinking everything. Well, not everything, but enough for me to create issues over nothing. I shouldn't do that to myself.