i'm so in love with you | k.nj + k.sj

chapter eight

"y'know what? i want to go home," seokjin blurted out in irritation.

namjoon's features softened with quick regret as he tried his best to make seokjin stay.

it was bullshit, namjoon knew.
he was depressed and tired and drained but he knew and realized that it wasn't an excuse to snap at seokjin and say hurtful things that he didn't mean.
"wait, please don't go. let's talk this out, seokjin—hey!"

and before namjoon's eyes, seokjin closed the door and stormed out, leaving namjoon in a state of regret and confusion.
tears welled up in his eyes and anxiety started to grow in his chest.

how could i? i'm a sick fuck.
now i'm here crying when i was the one who hurt him? what right have i to cry? what right have i to look so pitiful when i said those words to him?

tears kept falling as minutes turned into hours. namjoon lied on his bed, pillow all wet. he sent a long message but was left on read.

i shouldn't have said that. i have no right to cry about it. i don't have the right to look like this.

why do i do this?
why do i hurt my friends while i'm hurting. seokjin didn't deserve that.

what have i done? one moment we were all happy and okay and now this happened? this is why i can't have nice things. i ruin it. this is why i don't want to be too happy, it's always followed by something awful happening. something so sad.

namjoon slowly sat up. his mind was so hazy from crying.

i deserve to be punished.
maybe i do deserve to die.
i only do nothing but be a problem and hurt my friends.

namjoon grabbed his blade and started slicing his palm and arm.

i deserve this. i deserve to die.

what right have i to be forgiven, anyway?
i deserve this.