i'm so in love with you | k.nj + k.sj

chapter eleven

go out and take a walk, they said. it'll help with the depression, they said.

namjoon forced himself to get up from his bed. it's been four days since he last took a shower. he got down and saw his kitchen sink filled with piles of used utensils and dishes he felt too drained to wash. seeing the dirty pile made him want to cry. he grabbed his towel and used up all his remaining energy to turn his shower on.

brushing his teeth felt so much like a task. he badly wants to just finish it and get out.
when he was drying his hair, namjoon closed his eyes and thought about what he should do once he gets out of his house.

he thought about going to the park.

as soon as he finished getting dressed, he grabbed a pen and a small notebook. it took him ten minutes to walk to the park and he saw groups of people of different ages hanging out, some with their children, some with their significant other, some with their families, and others with their pets.

as he sat down by the park bench, the late afternoon breeze blew by. a large dog ran towards him and barked and licked his knee. he couldn't help but smile. the owner came running after, a green ball in her left hand. the lady apologized to which namjoon just smiled.

a little idea came to his mind.

storms aren't forever
they were born to never stay
just like the sadness and blues
that soon will drift away

hurricanes and tidal waves-
there is calm after the storm
after all the rain and misery
a small ray of hope will begin to form

namjoon breathed and closed his notebook. is this really him? the namjoon that felt nothing but quiet suffering is now writing something that seemed like a little bit of hope?

he's hoping.
as much as he's suffered and endured, there's still this little version of his self, deep within his soul, doing it's best to keep the remaining flame of life from burning out and dying.

there seems no hope. but still, he clings to the idea that he will soon save himself.