i'm so in love with you | k.nj + k.sj

chapter ten

it's always sadness. it's always blue.
but then there will be a day where everything feels nice. comforting. light.

namjoon couldn't help but smile.
maybe because it was the feeling of seeing already completing a hundred poems, like seeing neatly stacked books you finished reading and having the achievement of knowing them all one by one; intimate introductions of a lifetime of familiarity.

you inspire me to write.

namjoon couldn't help but stare at an empty space.
so many words filled his head but no coherent thoughts came into view. even the feeling of being hopelessly in love didn't save him from his writer's block. stacks of poems and proses looked nice but the feeling of not being able to write something to release the feeling of uneasiness caused by it was frustrating for namjoon.

he is happy. but there's this sense of emptiness to it. the happiness doesn't feel complete.

in a sense, days don't feel like blue but more like gray.
it's hard to explain but namjoon just felt like the day seems nice but there's just something wrong with the day that he couldn't quite put his finger on it. maybe to the untrained eye, it all seems normal, like an uneventful day. but for someone who's been constantly in a battle between choosing to breathe and ending it all, the gray area feels like a warning sign of some sort.

that there's something bad going to happen and he can't do anything about it.

maybe the days are still dark, but only shone against the light, thus turning into gray.