𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒﹔𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗

two

tw: purging, bulimia, panic attacks // words in bold are his thoughts
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Felix was sitting against the wall of the bathroom floor, the toilet seat lifted up and the smell of vomit lingering in the air. His mouth agape, as he slowly got up, flushing the toilet and walking over to the sink to wash his face.

"Fat"

no.

"ugly."

no. stop it

"yes, felix. Get it through your head; you're worthless. you're stupid. just end it already."

He shut his eyes tightly in hopes of quieting down the voices, and trying to gather the courage to not get his pretty pink box out of his medicine cabinet.

As he turns the light off, leaving the bathroom, he's startled to see the youngest of the eight, waiting outside of the bathroom, fiddling with the rings on his slender fingers.

"Agh- jesus baby bread you cant scare me like that!" Felix chuckled.

"sorry.. are you alright? I thought I heard someone throwing up. Are you sick? should I get cha-"

"NO!" He screamed, causing jeongin to jump at the sudden yelling.

"I mean, no. I'm fine. There is no need to worry." the older reassured before he walked away; walking back to the living room to watch TV with all the others, as if he didnt just puke his guts out in the bathroom right next to them.

-
"Why are you awake still, lix? its 2:24 am."

"shit! you almost gave me a heart attack jinnie!" felix spoke, his hand clenching his chest dramatically.

"sorry. why are you awake though?"

"couldnt sleep. getting water." the younger spoke, now focused on putting the water pitcher back in the refrigerator.

Hyunjin watched him in silence. His eyes started to study him, moving his eyes to the plain black sweater that the younger was practically drowning in, he noticed how it was hanging off of one shoulder.

That's weird. that sweater was a perfect fit for him a few months ago.

"What?" the younger questioned, not meaning sound cold. he was just wondering why the raven-haired boy was staring at him. hyunjin snapped out of his thoughts. And without saying a word, he walked back to his room; leaving the younger alone in the dim light of the kitchen.

Hyunjin was a very awkward person, but with felix it was different. He could talk to felix about anything, without fear of being judged or shamed. hyunjin and felix have a very special friendship, not like they have with any of the other members. when they are together they're almost always in their own little world. that's why it shocked felix when hyunjin just simply turned around and walked away.

did i look bad? did i do something wrong?

was it because of my tone?

did hyunjin just simply not like me anymore?

"all of the above."

Please go away. I cant deal with you and your words right now.

"I'm helping you, felix."

"just listen to me and you will be happy."

Felix shook his head, trying to fight back the thoughts that were slowly but surely eating him up.

No. I wont.

you're not real.

It's all in my head.

"just listen to me felix,"

"I'm all you have."

His breathed started to get heavier, combing his hand harshly through his soft blonde hair.

I wont let you control me.

"do as I say felix. I can make you happy,"

"all you have to do is listen to me."

and with that he broke down, hysterically crying as he dropped to the floor; his arms hugging his knees as he brought them to his chest.

He hadnt cried in almost a month, so him having his first panic attack ever was a surprise to him, only making him sob even more.

By now his gut-wrenching sobs could probably be heard in the dorm next to theirs. His whole body was trembling. He tried get up but his body collapsed onto the ground, back into the same position it was in before. His vision was blurred, his cheeks stained with tears, the glass of water now broken on the ground, and all he could hear was ringing in his ears.

"Felix! Shit!" Was the last thing he heard before his vision faded, the ringing becoming louder and louder with each passing second, and he felt his body give out and hit the cold wooden floor with a thud.

-
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a/n:
wrote this while listening to runaway by kanye on repeat 🗣🔥⁉️