𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒﹔𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗

seven

124 lbs.

That was how much felix weighed; and it showed too.

His arms and legs were boney,

his collarbone was sticking out,

his face was hollowing out,

his ribs were almost poking out.

It was getting easier for the others to notice the diet he has been on. Chan even suspects an eating disorder. Buts not what it is, right? He was just on a strict diet. That's what felix told himself; that is was just a diet. A really strict diet.

But some of the members weren't happy with the so-called 'diet,' yet they let him be about it, knowing that the kpop industry is strict about dieting especially before a comeback. They just thought he was dieting for the comeback, but it was so much more than that. So much worse than what they thought.

They didn't know he was sticking his fingers down his throat each time he ate,

they didnt know that he wouldn't eat for days and even weeks in a row,

they didnt know that he was at the gym during his free time, working off any calories that he didn't get rid of by purging.

they just thought he was cutting back on carbs and sugar; but not everything is as it seems.

"felix! dinner!" chan yelled to felix from the end of the hallway.

"Fuck" Felix cursed under his breath. he got up, dusted of his clothes, and left his bedroom.

He sighed as he stepped into the kitchen, where the rest of the 7 were already sitting at the table eating.

"We made your favorite! I know it's not in your diet but it can't hurt to break it a little every once in a while" jeongin chuckled as he went back to eating his food.

"Yeah.. I guess so." he sighed, twirling his chopsticks in his hand.

10 minutes had passed,

everyone was close to being finished with their food, while felix's plate remained full and untouched.

"What is it, felix? Do you not like it?" Jeongin spoke, making everyone turn to felix, who had a panicked look in his eyes.

"No, no- it's not that I'm just..." he thought for a moment.

"Just what, yongbok?" Minho chimed in

"I'm just not very hungry right now. Thank you for the food, but I think I'm gonna go wash up now."

He knew that excuse wouldn't work forever. The members were already catching on to his extreme way of dieting, but they couldn't just hold him back in the kitchen until he ate.

or could they?

"No, felix." chan said in a serious tone.

"hm?"

"you are not going to go wash up. you will sit at this table with us until you finish your plate."

"But I'm n-"

"You're never hungry nowadays." minho had had enough of hearing that.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that,"

"it doesn't matter if you understand or not. That's not the point. the point is that your going to finish your food or I will feed you myself."

"Chan im really not in the mood for this."

"Sit down, yongbok" this time it was hyunjin that had enough with his excuses. He was tired of watching his bestfriend fade away with each passing day.

Knowing that if he had refused anymore, they would probably get changbin to pick him up and carry him to the table, he walked over to his plate, and sat in front of it. He stared at the food on his plate. he didnt know why it was so hard for him to eat it. He could barely even look at it without cringing.

"Felix you've been staring at the food for 10 minutes. Just eat it." all felix could utter was a small 'no', which wasn't loud enough for anyone to understand.

"what was that?"

"no." his voice croaked.

"Felix, eat."

"no."

"eat."

"no."

"eat."

"no."

"For fuck sake felix, eat! Is it really that goddamn hard to just take a bite?! Just one bite! That's all I'm asking of you felix! Please! Eat the fucking food!" hyunjin yelled, his voice evident of concern and despair. The others were shocked at this. Hyunjin had never yelled like that. Then everything went silent. Nobody spoke another word for the next 30 seconds. Felix sat there, at a loss for words. Tears started forming in his eyes.

...

"no" was all felix responded with before he calmly got up from his chair, and left the room. He walked quickly once he reached the hallway. All he could think about was getting out of that kitchen, away from his members, and most importantly, away from the food.

Once he closed his bedroom door, we fell to the ground, not caring if the others could hear his gut-wrenching sobs. He clasped his shirt, trying to give himself room to breath.

At that mommoment he didnt care if the others were listening to his cries. He just wanted out if this feeling.

This feeling of discomfort, pain, sadness, unworthiness; he wanted out;

Out of this body

and out of life.