As a child, i always wish that a terrible misfortune would fall upon me; searching up how to break my leg on the internet, reading articles on how to become ill, for the 5 second of attention from my parents- the attention my sisters always got instead of me.
I needed to know how many people truly cared for me. I wanted to feel seen, even if it was for the wrong reasons. I wanted people to check on me. When I saw a kid on the television getting a big check for something as bad as kidney failure, I would not be touched by the act of kindness, I'd be envious.
These days, I do not wish for any attention on me whatsoever, whether bad or good, I cannot handle it. I do not open up easily and I find it difficult to communicate, which is why I always answer with a simple smile and an 'I'm fine.'
"Yongbok I havent seen you this happy in months!" chan mentioned as we wrapped up an interview.
i am not happy.
i am miserable.
it's all a lie.
"oh, yeah. I guess im finally getting better"
funny how you think hes going to beleive that felix. you never have been that good at acting. he can see right through you, he knows you are not okay, he simply just does not care.
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rlly short chapter bc im extremely tired, I'll update tmrw tho !! (make sure to eat & drink water, ily) <33
YOU ARE READING
𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐒﹔𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐗
Fanfiction"you really need to stop felix" his voice is laced with worry and concern, the opposite of mine as I tell him to shut up and snatch my hand away. "im pushing everyone away, and i dont even know why even with black holes under my eyes, sunken cheeks...
